Oh, hell, i've just realised. It's April Fools day tomorrow.
What will beccy do? Shall i sleep tonight? I doubt it. I now dread switching my computer on tomorrow afternoon.
What terrible wrath could i have bought on myself? It is as though the seven horsemen of the appocalipse are bearing down on me. I originally challenged her, and now i am regretting it, or may be!
This is priceless. One for your memory banks Ladies.
Trigger came in full of the usual bluster.
"I'm going to see my mate do a gig tonight, he's asked me to be a sort of bouncer, as it's a bit rough. I've got one viagra tablet left, just in case i get a chance".
Sharon, (after a small hint).
"You're so full of shit your eyes are brown" !!
She's good is Sharon!!
Ooh, la la, i've been bought a pressie by Keith, thanks mate. Duck fois gras. Sounds good, but as i've never had it before, i look forward to trying it. One problem, however stands in my way. My salivating hyena of a father!!
This could lead to words............
Keith met some more of my mates today. Luckily they are the "OK" ones, not the weekend ingrates. I'll let Keith give his own opinions.
I appear to have been tagged by Wendz. So here goes. Three things:
3 things that scare me:
High winds/dead trees.
Losing my Dad.
HTML.
3 people who make me laugh:
Wendz.
Trigger.
Ronnie Barker.
3 things i love:
Golf.
Motorbike racing.
Manchester United. (can i have more please?).
3 things i hate:
Liars.
Dentists.
Rap music.
3 things i don't understand:
Religion. (too much trouble, not any fact).
Women.
Sudoku.
3 things on my desk:
Mobile phone.
Notepad/pen.
Computer screen, stupid!!
3 things i'm doing now:
Typing this out.
That's it, i can't multi-task., i'm male.
3 things to do before i die:
Finish typing this!!
Helicopter flight.
Go to the OPEN Golf at St. Andrews.
3 things i can do:
Work this thing (ish).
Drink.
Eat.
3 things i can't do:
Dress myself.
Put my arms in the air.
Cook. (plus a million others).
3 things i think you should listen to:
Parents.
Pink Floyd.
Birdsong.
3 things never to listen to:
Politicians.
ditto.
ditto.
3 things to learn:
I learn as i go along.
3 favourite foods:
Blue to rare fillet steak.
Spaghetti bolognese.
Lamb roast.
3 drinks:
Lager.
ditto.
coffee. ( one a day is regular).
3 shows watched as a kid:
Daktari.
Starsky & Hutch.
Blue Peter. lol.
Tea is done, there's no football on, so Dad's gone upstairs, out of the way to read his favourite book, again. He is engrossed by The AFGHAN, by Frederick Forsyth. I, therefore have a choice. Computer or DVD.
Life of Brian wins, so there.
Oh, btw, Trigger was a prat as usual, but somewhat subdued today. Odd that.
Night, night!!
That is Triggers' trade mark comment when ordering his first pint. So Sharon, being the helpful barmaid that she is, DID !!
Only a slap, unfortunately, but it shocked Trigger.
"You did ask".
She was p*ssing herself, as were we. Bless him, he takes it in good part.
"I' m feeling sexy today", came a later comment from our stud.
"Really? You don't look it". Sharp is Sharon.
I have been challenged by someone who is out to get me. You know who you are, bring it on!
Tonight I got a response, an I`ll get you back response, can`t wait!
This i strictly a mathematical viewpoint... it`s like this:
What makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100% ? Ever wonder what makes all those people say they`re giving 110% ?
Here`s a little formula that might help.
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11= 98%
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5= 96%
but.
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5= 100%
And,
B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20=103%
AND, look how far Ass Kicking will take you.
A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7= 118%
So, one can conclude that with mathematical certainty that whilst hard work and knowledge will get you close, and attitude will get you there, it`s the bullshit and ass kissing the gets you to the top !!
I thought i`d share this with you .
It`s snowing like hell here as I type, freezing cold. What a change from yesterday, such a balmy spring day. And the polititians want us to change our lightbulbs to "save" the planet! Tossers! China are opening a new coal-fired power station every 4 days, and they already have over 2000 of them! PAH!
Enough ranting.
Our friend Trigger came in earlier. He is an engineer, a clever, skilled one, but........
The lads were talking about how strenuous gardening is, digging, etc.
"I tend you use my head at work", said Trigger.
The reply was swift.
"Didn`t know you were a doorstop!"
Nuf said!
Trigger was on good form today.
The conversation was centered on food ( home-cooked food), something Trigger knows very little about, but the local lads are particularly good at.
The Poacher said he needed some roughage (that doesn`t look right).
"What`s that?" said Trigger.
"Try greens, or fibre".
"What?"
"Ok, cardboard or old car tyres, they`re good".
"So, how do i cook them?"
"What, the tyres?"
"No, the greens".
DOH !!!!!!!!!!!!!
