Funniest film I have ever seen!

Dad and me are watching a DVD tonight. It is the funniest film we have seen.

1963, It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World.

A cast list to dream of. If you haven't seen it, you have missed a treat.

Watch it!

Incredible!

How do they DO that? Explanations on the back of a signed blank cheque to me as soon as possible please....

Disgusted !!

About two months ago a very dear friend of our family, of over 30 years, who lived 200 yrds up the road died. The house was empty as her daughter awaited the legal stuff to go through.
On Sunday, some scumbags smashed down the front door and ransacked the place.

What is the matter with this country? We live in a small village. Someone knew that house was empty.

I know what I'd do with the bastards, and it aint pretty!

Joke Tuesday

A BOTTLE OF MERLOT!


A Texan gentleman asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an attractive woman.

The waiter took the bottle over and said, "This is from the gentleman seated over there," indicating the sender.

She regarded the wine for a second, not looking at the man, decided to send a reply note. The waiter duly passed the note on.

It read:
"For me to accept this bottle, you need a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank, and 7 inches in your pants."

The reply came back, it read:

"For your information, I have a Ferrari Maranello, a BMW Z8, a Mercedes AMG600, and a Porsche Turbo. Homes in Aspen, Colorado and Miami, and a 10,000 acre ranch in Texas. There is over 20 million dollars in my bank account. But, not even for a beautiful woman like you, would I cut three inches off. Just send the bottle back.

BWWAAAAHHH!!!!

Bank holiday fun

All join in. A mate mentioned something he'd heard on Radio 2. Unanswered questions.

1. What did the person who invented the drawing board design it on, and did he go back to it ?

2. How did they know how much fuel it would take to get to the moon and back ?

3. Why is learning HTML harder than learning Mandarin ?

4. Where did the word FORMICA come from ?

5. Why am I writing this drivel ?

6. Where is Yaxlich ?

7. Where do chickens keep their nuggets ?



More questions please, I know I can rely on you!!

Sunday Fun-Time

Guest Blog by Keith

I went to the pub today for a quiet Sunday drink with John, but it turned out to be anything but quiet. Apparently I had just missed Trigger, he went home early to day.

Propping up the bar was the Poacher, the Poacher's Dad, and the Poachers Dad's Brother, and various other dubious regulars. As usual the bar was groaning under the weight of various tit-bits and nibbles so I bought a pint, grabbed a handful of sausage rolls and joined John.

Last Wednesday the Poacher had bagged a load of wild pigeons and his father had cleaned and prepared them for human consumption by "smoking" them, and was selling them in the pub. John very kindly bought me one and explained how to carve and eat it. Apparently there is an art in it. There were a few left and the Poachers Dad was sitting at the bar cutting them up and distributing them around the pub. He offered a bit to the sweet young thing serving behind the bar. She wrinkled her nose up at it and said "No way!", but Poachers Dad persuaded her to put it in her mouth (the pigeon that is!). She went the colour of chalk and promptly spat it out into the waste bin.

I can't understand the youngsters of today, they will eat a fast-food burger that has probably got the complete cow, i.e., lips, nose, eyeballs and testicles in it, but they are revolted by a nice juicy fat pigeon prepared country-style!

The Poacher's Uncle had brought Jess; a vicious little terrier, in today. Now this bitch has an attitude problem insomuch that it hates everything that is human-shaped, except her master of course. She is a little bastard to put it mildly. She bares her teeth and her little beady eyes are ablaze with anger if you even so much as look at her.

Now Nikki, another character in the pub, who is blonde and attractive with a nice figure and wears tight sweat shirts, tight jodphurs and kinky boots (yes, she really does have a horse!) said that she could calm Jess down and stroke her. She has this "if I can break a horse in", she can "break a dog in" type of attitude. She approached Jess and even I could see that this fiend was waiting until she got within snapping distance before attacking. As you can see in the picture that is precisely what happened. Luckily only Nikkis pride was hurt and not her fingers because the "dog-crocodile" was on a short lead.

Sorry about the quality of the photo, John tried to get an action picture, but the dog was too quick. Either that or John's hand was shaking due to sheer terror or he had had too much lager.

As we mean to go on....

Di, battered Trigger with an aluminium tray.

"What was that for?" enquired a puzzled Trigger.

"That's for later on, when you deserve it and I haven't got the tray!"

Trigger asked Bushy, if he was coming out for a cigarette break.

Bushy, "I'm not being seen outside with you, it'll do my cred no good at all!"

The Poachers' brother came in. They had been over to Norfolk, fishing, but there was so much water about that it wasn't worth staying.
Trigger said he was glad he hadn't gone to see them this morning, and in any case he couldn't find the place on his map.

"I'll have to get sat-nav." says Trigger.

"You'd be better off with twat-nav!" came Bushy's reply.

Problem!

We have a big problem in this country at present. It has been around for some years now.
Why are teenagers shooting each other?

Rhys Jones didn't deserve that. Who does, apart from the lowlife who pulled the trigger. I don't care how young he is, he knew the consequences!

Am I the only one who sees a link with the abolition of corporal punishment in schools, and the coming to prominence of the politically correct brigade?

We have 'lost' a generation, let's not lose another!

Joke Tuesday.

This is close to my own heart so I found it hilarious!

A man was asked to do a 10 mile 'fun run'. "Piss off", he said!" Come on", said his mate," it's for spastics and blind kids." He thought for a while, "Ok,then, I could win this!"

Challenge. What's on/above your mantlepiece?

Watercolour of Wells Cathedral.

My late Mums' favourite copper kettle.

The elephant on the beam was my Grans', if you can zoom in on the pic. that is embroidery.

We had the old open fire taken out, as it was getting too much for Dad, messing about clearing it out and lugging coal/logs around. The beam is from the farm house across the road, and dates from 1400. So I make the tree at least 150 years before that!

I don't know why this is here!!