A man fancies a woman in his office, but she has a boyfriend. He approaches her anyway and offers her £1000 to have sex with him.
I'll throw the money on the ground, you bend over, and I'll be finished by the time you pick it up. She consults her boyfriend, and he advises her to ask for £3000. Pick it up really quick, and he wont have a chance.
Half an hour later he calls to find out what the delay is. She says:
"The bastard used coins!!!"
Song and Artist please!
Good luck, I'll leave this up a little longer before the answers come out.
I was watching the news earlier when they started interviewing a Dr. LOTZOF. This got me thinking. What's the strangest/funniest name you've heard? You don't need to know them, but the name must be real.
A friend of mine maintains to this day he knew a Hugh JARSOLL!
So, come on, think. You don't have to know them, but they must be real, and if anyone, and I mean ANYONE says DEADWOOD, they're in big trouble!!
Now you're all thinking what the f**k now! What has he got now?
Well ladies, this is just for you. You will see I am not someone who systematically takes the piss out of the fairer sex. (You can't wait for this, can you?).
TRAIN TICKET.
Three men and three women are travelling by train to a football match. At the station, the three men each buy a ticket and watch as the three women buy just one ticket.
'How are the three of you going to travel on one ticket?', asks one of the men.
'Watch and learn', came the reply.
They all board the train. The three men all sit down, whereas the women all cram into the toilet.
The conductor comes round collecting tickets. He knocks on the toilet door and says, 'Ticket please'. The door opens a fraction and a ticket is passed over. The conductor carries on.
The men see this happen and agree it was a clever idea; so after the game, they decide to do the same thing on the way back and save some money.
When they reach the station they buy a single ticket for the return trip but see, to their astonishment, that the three women don't buy a ticket at all!
'How are you three going to travel without a ticket?' asks one perplexed man.
'Watch and learn', comes the answer.
When they board the train the men cram themselves into the toilet.
Just after departure, one of the women gets up and walks over to the gents toilet, knocks on the door, and says...........'Tickets please'.
Bask in your glory, I'll be back !!!
The ever so slightly mad Karmyn has tagged me with this. What would I do if I was rich and famous, what would my demands be?
I thought I was famous !
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Joke Tuesday.
What's the difference between PMT & BSE ?
One attacks the cows brain and sends it f*cking mental,and apparently the other is an agricultural problem.......
*I'm off, before the shit hits the fan!*
This was taken a couple of days ago. An azalea. What is this doing flowering now?
You may, or may not know about Nikki. She is the owner of Larry the queer horse. Nikki is also a milkwoman. No story there I here you say........but!
Nikki has just started a new round, and in learning said round had to go out with the outgoing person to learn the ropes.
On this particular day they had to go and deliver to a place called Croft quarry. This is a working quarry, and as such is required by law to have a wheel wash for the lorries leaving the site. Nikki always has the window down, but the driver didn't tell her about the wheel wash!
Straight in, all over her, soaked............I didn't laugh!
I'M BACK !!!!!!!!!!
Joyous singing and dancing. At last my beautiful header is back!
Where did it come from, you might ask.
I don't know, but I have a sneaky idea.
We still have no sign of Trigger, but my hopes for the survival of 'PUBLOG' were surprisingly given a boost today.
Di, the LANDLADY, had made some freshly filled rolls, (cobs here), and bought them out to put in the small fridge on the bar. Now the rolls are usually stuffed full of various fillings, and because it seems like Di uses a chainsaw to 'slice' the cheese or ham, etc, they normally require a snakes ability to dislocate ones mouth to be able to bite them. Good value for £1.20.
However, today she spotted two in the fridge that looked a little sparse on the filling side. All wrapped up nicely with cling-film, except there wasn't anything in them!!
And she TOLD ME!!!!!!!!!!!
Mrs. Trigger?
From todays Daily Telegraph.
A man in Dallas, Texas shot dead an intruder, after his parrot woke him up, when it said hello to the burglar!!
Bird brain? NO!!
