Pub news.

The Hollybush, my lunchtime "home". It's a strange pub, and I don't mean that in a derogatory way, but compared to The Merry Monk, the level of lunatics is markedly different.

In the Merry Monk, the level of lunacy was quite profound. There were a few contenders, most notably Trigger,who, sometimes just wasn't on the same planet as the rest of us. Then there was Di, our landlady, who was just plain dizzy. Then there is me, who was/is mad enough to start and run this blog!

In the Hollybush, however, there are two main nutters. The "Chairman", who I see every lunchtime, and is part of the "TEAM", and Dave, who is a Sunday lunchtime drinker.

Where these two differ from the loonies in the Monk, is their acid wit. They are the reason for the lack of "pub news" posts. Oh,and the landlord!

I need a tape recorder!!

Pub news # 3.

It's been a sort of deja-vu day. It was like the Merrie Monk, but in different surroundings!

Di, the old soaker landlady came over to see me. Also in the pub were half of the old locals!

Di has not lost her ability to create mayhem out of normal life.

Just before Christmas she went shopping with her mate Julia. They shared a trolley, which Di was pushing round. They got separated,(as women do) and when Julia found Di she was pushing someone elses trolley!!

She is coming over again on Friday, so goodness knows what will have happened by then!

New image

As you have gathered our pub has had a facelift, so the old header has had to be revised. What do you think? Any constructive criticisms and ideas welcome.

The charming lass in the header is Charlie, our lovely barmaid, and of course John himself. Here is a larger picture for you to print off and frame.

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Yesterday was Di's birthday. 21 again!


All together:


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By the way, it was also my ex-wife's *SPIT* birthday yesterday. I hope it was a good one. . . and she got everything I wished for her. . .

Of course the picture on the left isn't really my ex-wife *SPIT*. The lady in the picture is far, far prettier.

I haven't got a photograph of my ex now. Still I suppose I should be thankful for small mercies!

I did have one last year and I put it up in the garden to frighten the birds away from my seedlings, but the police confiscated it after numerous complaints from the neighbours; apparently it was frightening their children and turning the milk sour.

Pub news. (quiz!)

As you may nave noticed, Di, our ever so lovely soaker landlady is prone to many the odd blonde moment! (If you haven't then you need a therapist.)

This blonde moment is a classic (no banks either) and is the subject of todays quiz!

Di lost the following two items.

Oven gloves.

And................

Scissors.

What you have to guess, is where did she find them?

Easy! Or is it!

Pub news!

This may seem a strange start to a post on this highly unstable blog, but all will be revealed in due course.

Some information has been bought to this intrepid reporters attention by Jez.

A few months ago, it appeared that some 'creature' was snorting cocaine in the cubicle in the gents loo. They were standing on the toilet seat and lining it up on the window-sill. This has since been sorted, and the 'creature' involved, barred!

Di, our ever so lovely soaker landlady was telling some of the lads about the incident, but, being everso pissed tired,she said, that to stop it happening again, she would cover the window-sill in......................................

Please note the song title!

Pub news.

Sunday lunchtime was the giveaway. Di, our ever-so-gorgeous soaker landlady looked rough, and I mean ROUGH! She admitted it herself. She had another "migraine"!

The Mr. & Mrs. night didn't go down well,as hardly anyone turned up, so they had a disco. Herein lies the problem.

Di, our ever-so-gorgeous soaker landlady got pissed, and I mean pissed! She and Polly (who hasn't featured here before) were on the microphone, singing away. In between verses Di would shout, "Do I sound like Celine Dion?"

Anyway, the amount of bottles consumed by the soaker landlady is pictured.

This information has mostly come from Di herself, so I should expect to be treated leniently.

Oh, I forgot. Di, our ever-so-lovely soaker landlady fell asleep on the bench seats!

Sunday nights, as you are aware are bingo and poker nights. Zach, the lovely Charlys' boyfriend had video'd Di and Polly singing on his phone. (I have to get that!) He showed it to some of the lads on Sunday night, so Di is now known as Celine! Di then proceeded to spill a pint of Stella over one of the poker players!

If I can get that footage...........

Pub nonsense # 4 cont.

Where was I? Oh, yes, loosening tongues.

On Valentines night Jez and Di, our-ever-so-gorgeous soaker landlady are hosting a quiz night based on the Mr. and Mrs. game show. I'm sure they did this last year and had a lot of divorces fun.

Anyway, Di was doing a bit of surveillence on a few newcomers to the poker game to see if they would like to come to the quiz.

"Hello, love, have you got a girlfriend?" she enquired of one of the youngsters. "No", he said. "Thought not." she replied.

Jez is covering his ears!

There was a less than attractive lad playing. "Have you got a girlfriend?" she asked. "Yes, I have", he replied. "You DO?" she said.

Have you got a girlfriend?" she enquired of another young lad. "No, I've a boyfriend", he said jokingly. "You're gay then?" she said, "We have a few come in here, you'll be alright!"

This should have appeared in the first posting, but I forgot.

Jez went out to do various tasks, banking, etc. Di asked him to get her some foundation from the chemist (drug store for my American friends). "I don't know what to get.",he said. "But I'm going to the hardware shop, would a bag of cement do?"

This pub is the best!

Pub nonsense # 4

Firstly, before the main posting, some good news. It's raining! Secondly, before the main posting, the bad news. It' going to snow again tonight! Boo! I hate snow!

Di had thunderous headache today, which hurt even more when bending down. Now, this can't be a hangover as Di has cut down on the wine, so it must be migraine. Jez came in. "What's wrong?" he asked. "I've a terrible headache.", she replied. "Must have been all that red wine you drank last night!" he said.

THE MAIN EVENT

Last night was the bingo and poker night in the pub. This has proved to be extremely popular, with a turn-out of 25 for the poker alone! Jez and Di both play, and Di seems to be showing a burgeoning talent for the game.

However, with increased consumption of the red stuff the tongue of our soaker ever-so-gorgeous landlady began to loosen.

To be continued.........