Joke Tuesday, double bill!

I had a moan at the ever so sexy,buxom and intelligent Zoe and she said stop moaning,you never post any jokes I send you! Well,this is the first I can recall.If there were others,they must have been lame!

Anyway,this is Zoe's contribution!

Here was a boy who worked in the produce section of the market. A man came in and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce, but the man replied that he only required half a head. The boy said he would ask his manager about the matter. The boy walked into the back room and said,"There's some asshole out there who wants to buy only half a head of lettuce." As he was finishing saying this he turned round to find the man standing behind him, so he added,"And this gentleman wants to buy the other half."

The manager ok'd the deal and the man went on his way. Later the manager called in on the boy and said, "You almost got yourself in a lot of trouble earlier, but I'm impressed how you got out of it.

"Where are you from,son?" The boy replied, "Limerick,sir." "Oh,really? Why did you leave Limerick?" Asked the manager. The boy replied,"They're all just whores and rugby players down there."

"My wife is from Limerick!" said the manager.

The boy replied, "Really sir? What team did she play for?"

---

After 20 years of marriage,a couple were lying in bed one evening,when the wife felt her husband begin to fondle her in ways he hadn't in ages. It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down the small of her back. He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down over her breasts stopping on her lower stomach. He then proceeded up her inner thigh, stopping just at the uppermost part of her leg. He did the same on her right side,then suddenly stopped,rolled over and started to watch T.V.

As she had become quite aroused by all this caressing,she asked in a loving voice,"That was wonderful. Why did you stop?"

He said,
















"I found the remote!"