Joke Tuesday. Double bill !

ANNOUNCEMENT!

Apple announced today that it has developed a breast implant that can store and play music. The iTit will cost from £499 to £699, depending on cup and speaker size.

This is considered a major breakthrough, because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them!

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QUICK MARRIAGE.

A man met a beautiful blonde lady and decided she was 'THE ONE' and proposed to her. She said,"But we don't know anything about each other."

He said, "That's okay, we'll learn about each other as we go along."

She consented, they were married, and off they went on a honeymoon at a very nice resort.

One morning they were lying by the pool, when he got up off the lounger, climbed up to the 10 metre board and did a two and a half tuck, followed by three rotations in the pike position, at which point he straightened out and cut the water like a knife. After a couple more dives he settled back on the lounger. She said, "That was incredible!"

He said, "I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we'd learn about each other."

So she got up, dived in the pool and started doing lengths. After 75 lengths she climbed out and lay on her lounger, barely out of breath.

He said,"Wow, that was brilliant! Were you an endurance swimmer?"

"No," She said, "I was a prostitute in Liverpool but I worked both sides of the Mersey river!"