Look at this carefully...........it is clever, and a true example of British Humour!!
The British government has scrapped the Harrier fleet, and on their farewell formation flypast over the houses of Parliament they gave the government a message.
Lean back a bit from your computer monitor and squint.
Four friends spend weeks planning the perfect camping trip. Two days before the group is set to leave Rob's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going. Rob's friends are very upset that he can't go, but realize there's little they can do to change her mind.
Two days later the three get to the camping site only to find Rob sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered and supper cooking on the fire.
"Dang man, how long you been here and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?" one of the friends asks.
"Well, I've been here since yesterday," Rob replies.
"Yesterday evening I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said 'guess who'?' I pulled her hands off and she was wearing a brand new see through nightie. She took my hand and took me to our bedroom. The room had two dozen candles and rose pedals all over and she had handcuffs and ropes on the bed! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed and I did. And then she said, 'Now, you can do whatever you want.' So here I am."
My sister took these photos the other day. I didn't see it but it was low over our house!!
I don't know how close they were,but it looks close!
UK Banks are offering a free pencil sharpener in gratitude for the £40 billion profit they got out of us last year.
It's designed to remind us of the friendly and even intimate relationship the banks have built up with the British public.
You may remember some months ago I posted some photos of my youngest cousins' 1st baby.
Lorna-Jane and Glen bought Faye,now aged 9 months to see us today,so I got some photos!
Isn't she gorgeous?
Woman: "Is there a problem officer?"
Officer: "Ma'am you were speeding."
Woman: "Oh, I see."
Officer: "Can I see your license please?"
Woman: "I'd give it to you, but I don't have one."
Officer: "Don't have one?"
Woman: "Lost it 4 times for drinking."
Officer: "I see, can I have your vehicle registration papers please?"
Woman: "I can't do that."
Officer: "why not?"
Woman: "I Stole this car and hacked up the owner."
Officer: "You what?"
Woman: "His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see."
The officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away from his car,and calls for back-up. within 5 minutes five police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half-drawn gun.
Senior Officer: "Ma'am could you step out of your vehicle please!"
woman: "Is there a problem officer?"
Senior Officer: "one of my men told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Woman: "Murdered the owner!"
Senior Officer: "yes, could you please open the trunk of your car please.
The woman opens the trunk revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Senior Officer: "Is this your car ma'am"?
Woman: "Yes, here are my registration papers.
The first officer is stunned.
Senior Officer: "One of my men claims that you do not have a driver's license.
The woman digs into her bookbag and draws out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
The officer looks quite puzzled as he glances at the license.
Senior Officer: "I'm sorry ma'am. One of my men claims that you didn't have a license, stole this car and murdered the owner."
Woman: "I bet the lyin' bastard told you I was speeding too!"
2010 DARWIN AWARDS
You've been waiting for them with baited breath, so without further ado, here are the 2010 Darwin Awards.
Eighth Place
In Detroit , a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.
Seventh Place
A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned when he ran", accidentally jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.
Sixth Place
While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for protection from the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom, when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach used their hands and shovels trying to get him out but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.
Fifth Place
Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth to keep his hands free rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.
Fourth Place
Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.
Third Place
After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door, a man walked into H&J Leather & Firearms intent on robbing the store. The shop was full of customers and a uniformed officer was standing at the counter. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol.
The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, and several customers also drew their guns and fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt.
HONOURABLE MENTION
Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving around at 2 A.M. So they lit a quarter stick of dynamite to toss out the window to see what would happen. Apparently they failed to notice that the window was closed.
RUNNER UP
Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a local bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more excited, and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge, they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay nearby. They secured one end around Bingham's leg and then tied the other to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. Bingham's foot was never located.
AND THE WINNER IS....
Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt ( Paderborn , Germany ) fed his constipated elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally got relief. Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded.
The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock as the elephant continued to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him. It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves... 'Shit happens'
IT ALWAYS SEEMS IMPORTANT TO THANK THESE PEOPLE FOR REMOVING THEMSELVES FROM THE GENE POOL.
