Tuesday, 27 August 2013

Joke Tuesday.

An elderly man went to his parish priest and asked if the priest would hear his confession.

Of course, my son," said the priest.

"Well, Father, at the beginning of World War Two, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans; I hid her in my attic, and they never found her."

"That's a wonderful thing, my son, and nothing that you need to confess," said the priest.

"It's worse, Father; I was weak, and told her that she had to pay for rent of the attic with her sexual favors," continued the old man.

"Well, it was a very difficult time, and you took a large risk - you would have suffered terribly at their hands if the Germans had found you hiding her; I know that God, in his wisdom and mercy, will balance the good and the evil, and judge you kindly," said the priest.

"Thanks, Father," said the old man. "That's a load off of my mind. Can I ask another question?"

"Of course, my son," said the priest./p>

The old man asked, "Do you think I should tell her that the war is over?"

Thursday, 22 August 2013

Garden news.

Honey bee,I think.

It's a little butterfly, but I don't know what the name is.

A Tortoiseshell butterfly.

Tuesday, 20 August 2013

Joke Tuesday.

The Arrogance of Authority.

A DEA (Drug Enforcement Agency) officer stopped at a ranch in Texas , and talked with an old rancher. He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs."

The rancher said, "Okay , but don't go in that field over there.....", as he pointed out the location.

The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, " Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government of the United States of America with me!"

Reaching into his rear pants pocket, the arrogant officer removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher.

"See this f*****g badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land! No questions asked or answers given! Have I made myself clear? ...... Do you understand?"

The rancher then nodded politely, apologized and went about his chores.

A short time later, the old rancher heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull.

With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified. The rancher threw down his tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of his lungs.

(I just love this part....)

"Your badge! Show him your f*****g BADGE........ !"

Monday, 19 August 2013

Pub news.

It was fairly busy in the pub this lunchtime, which is unusual after a busy weekend. Sunday lunch was, as usual the busier of the two days. My own Sunday roast was gobbled down with the gusto it merits!!

Next month Paul stages the second beer festival of the year. Photos will follow. Things are lookin good!

Tuesday, 13 August 2013

Joke Tuesday.

A guy goes to the Post Office to apply for a job. The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?" He replies, "Yes, caffeine. I can't drink coffee." "Ok, Have you ever been in the military service?" "Yes," he says, "I was in Iraq for one tour."

The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points toward employment."

Then he asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"

The guy says, "Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both my testicles."

The interviewer grimaces and then says, "Okay. You've got enough points for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 pm. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 am, and plan on starting at 10:00 am every day."

The guy is puzzled and asks, "If the work hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 pm, why don't you want me here until 10:00 am?"

"This is a government job", the interviewer says.

"For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that."

Thursday, 8 August 2013

Garden news.

Some photos for you.

Peacock butterfly.

Day Lily.

Crinnum flower.

Inside the Crinnum.

Tuesday, 6 August 2013

Joke Tuesday.

Little Firefighter.

If you don't laugh at this one, you're not breathing..

A firefighter was working on the engine outside the Station, when he noticed a little girl nearby in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.

The girl was wearing a firefighters helmet.

The wagon was being pulled by her dog and her cat.

The firefighter walked over to take a closer look. 'That sure is a nice fire truck,' the firefighter said with admiration. 'Thanks,' the girl replied. The firefighter looked a little closer. The girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.

'Little partner,' the firefighter said, 'I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster.'

The little girl replied thoughtfully, 'You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren.'

Monday, 5 August 2013

General drivel.

We had a major storm this afternoon for about two hours. It went dark and there was thunder and lightning and monsoon type rain! Then this.

Sunday, 4 August 2013

Pub news.

Eddy at 12 weeks being spoilt by the "beer monster"

Sorry he looks like an alien, but the flash came on!