Saturday, 30 June 2012

Family stuff.

It's a funny old world.

My Father collapsed a few months ago. I got him into hospital after an arguement. He was diagnosed with an irregular heartbeat and prescribed beta blockers.

These are slowly draining him. The side effects are horrendous. The pain he is going through is upsetting me, yet the doctor said, "They do knock you about a bit!" I'm going in with dad on Tuesday to get these pills changed.

Doctors are supposed to alleviate pain, not increase it!

Tuesday, 26 June 2012

Joke Tuesday.

Subject: FW: Old Dogs.

An old German Shepherd dog starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a panther heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old German Shepherd thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep shit now!"

Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the panther is about to leap, the old German Shepherd exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious panther! I wonder, if there are any more around here?"

Hearing this, the young panther halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!," says the panther, "That was close! That old German Shepherd nearly had me!"

Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the panther. So, off he goes.

The squirrel soon catches up with the panther, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the panther. The young panther is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, squirrel, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!"

Now, the old German Shepherd sees the panther coming with the squirrel on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?," but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old German Shepherd says...

"Where's that squirrel? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another panther!"

Moral of this story...

Don't mess with the old dogs... Age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery! Bull Shit and brilliance only come with age and experience.

Monday, 25 June 2012

Pub news.

As a follow-up to Saturdays post, the lunchtime(post 3pm) was packed in the pub, and the weather held up for the sixty barbecuing outside.

Later in the evening the England v Italy match kicked off. The place was packed, and as the game went down to penalties the outcome was inevitable....we lost!!

Still, a good day for the customers and a good day for the pub!

Saturday, 23 June 2012

Pub news.

It was Paul the landlord's birthday yesterday. On Thursday night, five of them went into Leicester for a piss-up and a Chinese. Needless to say, it was mission accomplished! This lunchtime was fairly quiet, but there are twenty booked in already for tonight.

Tomorrow, however, because England are playing in Euro 2012, lunchtime is fully booked, and there is a party of sixty booked in for a BBQ in the afternoon!

The pub will be packed to watch the match in the evening, so Paul will be a busy man. Good luck!

Wednesday, 20 June 2012

Garden news.

I've taken advantage of the unusually good weather to take some pics.

Mr SquirrelTree Rat, your days are numbered and you will soon be in my oven! This is a bird feeder.

A male Goldfinch on the Nyjer seeds.

I got a good shot of his self-seeded Poppy

One of the first roses.

Tuesday, 19 June 2012

Joke Tuesday.


Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cellular phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello"

WOMAN: "Hi sweetheart, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes."

WOMAN: "I'm at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only £2,000; is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Lexus dealership and saw the new models. I saw one I really liked."

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "£45,000."

MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing... I was just talking to Janie and found out that the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking £780,000 for it."

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and make an offer of £700,000. They'll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra eighty-thousand if it's what you really want."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!"

MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open.

He turns and asks, "Anyone know whose phone this is?"

Sunday, 17 June 2012

Pub news.

It was Fathers day today. my 'Sister' bought a card over for her 'Dad two'. I didn't get him a card, as we haven't done fo 30 years! I had my usual Sunday roast from the pub, it saves him cooking!

The pub was packed!

Tuesday, 12 June 2012

Joke Tuesday.

A teacher's story about Stuttering.

A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students. "Human beings are the only animals that stutter,' she says.

A little girl raises her hand.'I had a kitty-cat who stuttered.' The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident.

"Well," she began, 'I was in the back yard with my kitty and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!' That must've been scary,' said the teacher. 'It sure was,' said the little girl.

'My kitty raised her back, went "Ffffff!, Ffffff!, FfffffF," but before she could say 'Fuck-off !,' the Rottweiler ate her!

The teacher had to leave the room.

Sunday, 10 June 2012

General Drivel.

There is a vicious rumour going round that it's summer. This was spotted today, but is forecast to vanish tomorrow.

It is due to be replaced by crap weather! FLAMING JUNE!

I really am sick of this "global warming" scam. It's costing us a fortune!!!

Thursday, 7 June 2012

Yesterday afternoon we had the Mother of all storms. Thunder,lightning, monsoon type rain, hail and high wind.

I love a good storm. It usually freshens the air, but, as the air is already fresh instead of warm, it didn't!

Summer, please arrive soon!

Wednesday, 6 June 2012

Pub news.

Things are back to normal after the Queen's Diamond Jubilee weekend, which, apart from the atrocious weather for the pageant went very well. The pub was busy, with a treasure hunt around the village,after which most ended up in the pub once the kids had eaten their hot-dogs in the village hall.

There were 20 question, some cryptic, some normal. The contestants were taken all around the village, up every road following the questions. The last question was the best. It asked: "How many drain covers are there in the village". So, if you hadn't read the questions before you set off you had to walk the whole route again!!

Tuesday, 5 June 2012

Joke Tuesday.

A son asked his mother the following question: 'Mum, why are wedding dresses white?' The mother looks at her son and replies: 'Son, this shows your friends and relatives that your bride is pure.'

The son thanks his Mum but being a good lad he does the right thing and goes off to double-check this with his father.

'Dad why are wedding dresses white?' The father looks at his son and says seriously: 'Well son, that's an easy one, all household appliances come in white.'

I'm off!