Tuesday, 29 January 2013

Joke Tuesday.

Wong Chow calls into work and says, 'I no come work today, I really sick.
Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come work..'

The boss says, 'You know something, Wong Chow, I really need you today.
When I feel sick like you do, I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex.
That makes everything better and I go to work.. You try that.'

Two hours later Wong Chow calls again. 'I do what you say and I feel
great... I be at work soon.....You got nice house.'

Saturday, 26 January 2013

Blog news.

Today is an anniversary.
Who'd have thought someone could, over a six year period, write such drivel, AND , after all that time still have people reading it?
I thank you all.

Wednesday, 23 January 2013

Garden news.

I posted a photo of a Fieldfare a few days ago, but it was a bit too far away. Patience is a virtue, so they say, and I managed to get this today!

It enlarges a treat.

Tuesday, 22 January 2013

Joke Tuesday.

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I'd like to buy some cyanide."

The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."

The pharmacist's eyes got big and he explained, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband, that's against the law?

I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and said, "You didn't tell me you had a prescription."

Sunday, 20 January 2013

More snow!

After a relatively quiet Saturday, with just a few light flurries, I awoke at 8-00am this morning to find it was snowing. It is now 5-00pm, and it is STILL snowing! It must have put at least another 5" down.

It made me cast my mind back about 4 years to an article published by a so-called "expert" climatologist who stated that, "due to man-made global warming snow in the UK and Europe would, in a couple of years become a rare and exciting event". The fact that there has been only an insignificant (0.1c) increase in temperatures in the last 16 years, despite an increase in CO2 emmissions throws all the warming alarmists computer predictionS out of the window!

Mother Nature will continue to be controlled by the Sun, and there isn't anything we can do about that!

Friday, 18 January 2013


Six inches of the 'orrible white stuff today. Got to the pub and back though! I did say to Dad if he wanted to risk it. "This is just a dusting", he said.

Had to keep the birds fed though.

The last pic. is a Fieldfare. It will enlarge.

Thursday, 17 January 2013

What's in your food?

Forget about the horse meat and pork in beefburgers, this is far more worrying!

Wednesday, 16 January 2013

General drivel.

Minus 6c in our garden this morning! It is currently -3c (3-30pm).

The weather forecast for Friday gives sub-zero temperatures with 4 to 5" of snow. Not good when your drive is on a slope, and the only person in the house remotely capable is 83!

Clearing that much snow is well beyond Dad's stamina levels now, so the neighbours could be getting a call!

Tuesday, 15 January 2013

Always wear clean underwear in public, especially when working under
your vehicle.

From the Daily News comes this story of a Leicester couple
who drove their car to ASDA, only to have their car break down in the
car park.

The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the
car. The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car.

On closer inspection, she saw a pair of hairy legs protruding from under
the chassis. Unfortunately, although the man was in shorts, his lack of
underpants turned his private parts into glaringly public ones...

Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward,
quickly put her hand UP his shorts, and tucked everything back into

On regaining her feet, she looked across the bonnet and found
herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by watching.

The AA mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his forehead.

Monday, 14 January 2013

Garden news.

The first snows of winter.

Tuesday, 8 January 2013

Joke Tuesday.

Men Are Just Happier People

· If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
· If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Dickhead and Shit for Brains.

· When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
· When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

· A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
· A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

· A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
· The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

· A woman has the last word in any argument.
· Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

· A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
· A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

· A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
· A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

· A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
· A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

· A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
· A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

· Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
· Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

· Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
· A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!

Monday, 7 January 2013

Garden news.

This is looking really impressive this year and will get better, but, what is it?

Tuesday, 1 January 2013

Joke Tuesday.

I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my gas with the beat of the music.

After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee, and noticed that everybody was staring at me....

Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.

...and how was your day?