Tuesday, 29 June 2010

Joke Tuesday.

At 85 years of age, Roger married Jenny, a lovely 25 year old.

Since her new husband is so old, Jenny decides that after their wedding she and Roger should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may over exert himself if they spend the entire night together.

After the wedding festivities Jenny prepares herself for bed and the expected knock' on the door. Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is Roger, her 85 year old groom, ready for action. They unite as one. All goes well, Roger takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go to sleep.

After a few minutes, Jenny hears another knock on her bedroom door, and it's Roger, again he is ready for more 'action'. Somewhat surprised, Jenny consents for more coupling. When the newly weds are done, Roger kisses his bride, bids her a fond good night and leaves.
She is set to go to sleep again, but, aha you guessed it - Roger is back again, rapping on the door, and is as fresh as a 25-year-old, ready for more 'action'. And, once more they enjoy each other.
But as Roger gets set to leave again, his young bride says to him, 'I am thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so well and so often. I have been with guys less than a third of your age who were only good once. You are truly a great lover, Roger.'
Roger, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Jenny and says:
'You mean I was here already?'
The moral of the story:
Don't be afraid of getting old, Alzheimer's has its advantages.

PS. Have I sent this to you already??

Thanks to Mr. Farty

Friday, 25 June 2010

Garden news.

Pat recommended I post this picture of our Peony.


Wednesday, 23 June 2010

Pub news.

Our lovely pregnant barmaid, Charlie has hatched!

Welcome Maisy to the world. Congratulations to Charlie and Zach.

Monday, 21 June 2010

Joke Tuesday.

Some things never change.....
When top level guys look down, they see only sh-it;
When bottom level guys look up, they see only ass-holes...

General drivel.

My Sister came round with a very expensive camera and took a few photos around the garden. This is one of my favourites.

This blackbird has been with us for some years now, and demands currants at each visit.

Saturday, 19 June 2010

General drivel.

I have the dreaded hiccups. Apart from holding my breath for half an hour, any cures

Thursday, 17 June 2010

Pub news.

Di,our ever-so lovely soaker landlady was doing her usual shift the other evening when a couple came in to order some food and drinks. After taking the food order the gentleman ordered the drinks. He started with an orange juice. "Would you like that in a glass?", she asked.

Bucket perhaps?

Tuesday, 15 June 2010

Joke/ truth Tuesday.

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut.

After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, "I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week."
The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, "I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week." The cop was happy and left the shop.
The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

Then a Member of Parliament came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, "I can not accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week." The M..P. was very happy and left the shop. The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen M.P.s lined up waiting for a free haircut.

And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.

Friday, 11 June 2010

Pub news.

This morning, Di, our everso lovely Soaker landlady went to the cash and carry with her friend/barmaid Nicky(Charlie is on maternity leave)to get some provisions.

Di decides to reverse the car around whilst Nicky bought the trolley round to unload.

One small snag. Di has climbed in the back seat!!

Tuesday, 8 June 2010

Joke Tuesday.

Subject: Silly banker

A Banker parks his brand new Porsche in front of the office to show it off to his colleagues.

As he's getting out of the car, a lorry comes speeding along too close to the kerb and takes off the door before zooming off.

More than a little distraught, the Banker grabs his mobile and calls the police.

Five minutes later, the police arrive. Before the policeman has a chance to ask any questions, the man starts screaming hysterically: 'My Porsche, my beautiful silver Porsche is ruined. No matter how long it's at the panel beaters it'll simply never be the same again!'

After the man finally finishes his rant, the policeman shakes his head in disgust.

'I can't believe how materialistic you bloody Bankers are,' he says. 'You lot are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else in your life.'

'How can you say such a thing at a time like this?' sobs the Porsche owner.

The policeman replies, 'Didn't you realise that your right arm was torn off when the truck hit you.'

The Banker looks down in horror.

'F***ING HELL!' he screams........'Where's my Rolex????...

Thanks Mr. Farty!

Sunday, 6 June 2010

General drivel.

The last few days have given us temperatures in the mid to high 70s. The humidity started to build and last night ended with the obligatory thunderstorm.

The rain was torrential for an hour,but at least it cooled the temperature. The gardens needed the water too. As I type it is raining and the thunder rumbles on in the distance.

Friday, 4 June 2010

Garden news.

It's been a great year for most blooms after the freezing winter and cold spring!

More Azaleas in the front garden.

This a called a Dunwich Rose, lovely but lethal! You wouldn't get any burglars through a hedge of this!

Thursday, 3 June 2010

Garden news.

Front garden Azalea. Beautiful this year


Azalea in the back garden.


Tuesday, 1 June 2010

Joke Tuesday.


1. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was god and I didn't.
2. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
4. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
5. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
6. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me
7. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
8. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing.
9. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
10. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
11. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
12. Being 'over the hill' is much better than being under it!
13. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.
14. Procrastinate Now!
15. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
16. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
17. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.