Tuesday, 27 September 2011

Joke Tuesday.

Two Red Indians and an Irishman were walking through the woods.
All of a sudden one of the Red Indians ran up a hill to the mouth of a small cave.

'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' he called into the cave and listened closely until he heard an answering,
'Wooooo! Wooooo! Woooooo!
He then tore off his clothes and ran into the cave.

The Irishman was puzzled and asked the remaining Indian what it was all about,.
'Was the other Indian crazy or what?'

The Indian replied 'No, It is our custom during mating season when Indian men see cave, they holler
'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' into the opening. If they get an answer back, it means there's a beautiful squaw in there waiting for us.

Just then they came upon another cave.
The second Indian ran up to the cave, stopped, and hollered,
'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!'
Immediately, there was the answer.
'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' from deep inside.

He also tore off his clothes and ran into the opening.

The Irishman wandered around in the woods alone for a while, and then spied a third large cave.
As he looked in amazement at the size of the huge opening, he was thinking,
'Hoo, man! Look at the size of this cave! It is bigger than those the Indians found.
There must be some really big, fine women in this cave!'

He stood in front of the opening and hollered with all his might
'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' Like the others, he then heard an answering call, 'WOOOOOOOOO, WOOOOOOOOO WOOOOOOOOO!'
With a gleam in his eye and a smile on his face, he raced into the cave,tearing off his clothes as he ran.
The following day, the headline of the local newspaper read...............

You'll like this


Tuesday, 20 September 2011

Joke Tuesday.

This Was Voted Best Joke in Ireland!

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, 'Here's to spending the rest of me
life!, between the legs of me wife!'
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!
He went home and told his wife, Mary, 'I won the prize for the Best toast of
the night.'
She said, 'Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?'
John said, 'Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside
me wife.'
'Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!' Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street
The man chuckled leeringly and said, 'John won the prize the other night at
the pub with a toast about you, Mary.'

She said, 'Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's
only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the
other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come.'

Sunday, 18 September 2011

General Drivel.

I have had a few problems with the 'puter. I couldn't instal Windows upgrades, even though all is genuine,(honest).

I contacted Windows and was put through to a very polite and articulate Indian sounding man by the name of Frank Martin,(I kid you not). He ran through a few questions and said it was the AVG free edition I was running that had let some viruses in.

So, after tampering with my computer for 3 hours and me paying £100.00 for 2 years monthly clean up work and check my 'puter is flying! It may sound a lot, but it's put my mind at ease.

Oh, and I couldn't access my blog! After a few minutes checking round the tinternet I found that upgrading to Internet Explorer 9 cured it!

I also enjoyed a delicious Roast lamb and all the veg lunch from the pub! *burp*, pardon me.

Tuesday, 13 September 2011

Joke Tuesday.

Don't fart in Harrods.

A lady walks into Harrods. She looks around, spots a beautiful diamond
bracelet and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more
closely, she unexpectedly farts.

Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone noticed
her little 'woopsie', and prays that a sales person was not anywhere near.
As she turns around, her worst nightmare materialises in the form of
a salesman standing right behind her - Good looking as well

Cool as a cucumber, he displays all of the qualities one would expect
of a professional in a store like Harrods.

He politely greets the lady with, 'Good day, Madam. How may we help
you today?

Blushing and uncomfortable, but still hoping that the salesman
somehow missed her little 'incident', she asks, 'what is the price of
this lovely bracelet?'

He answers, "Madam - if you farted just looking at it - you're going
to shit yourself when I tell you the price."

Thanks to Mickle in NZ.

Tuesday, 6 September 2011

Joke Tuesday.

Here's a pub-themed joke for the weekend:

"Ever since I was a child, I’ve always had a fear of someone was under my bed at night.”

So I went to a shrink and told him I’ve got problems ....

‘Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy.'

'Just put yourself in my hands for one year,' said the shrink.

'Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears'.

'How much do you charge?'

‘Eighty pounds per visit,' replied the doctor.’
'I'll think about it,' I said.

Six months later, I met the doctor on the street. 'Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?' he asked.

'Well, eighty pounds a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! A bartender cured me for £10. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I bought me a new car!'

'Is that so!' With a bit of an attitude he said, 'and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?'

'He told me to cut the legs off the bed! - Ain't nobody under there now.....'



Thanks Dumdad!

Friday, 2 September 2011

Afternoon nap listening.

I sort my e-mails out, then have a bit of respite from my wheelchair. I climb into the pine rocking chair in the conservatory and put some music on.