The food trade is going very well. Good food at a very reasonable price. A restaurant it isn't,nor does it pretend to be. Just serving what the customers enjoy! Just in time for the visit of my mate Mutleythedog who should be here with his owner/minder soon.
In other pub related news, Charlie, our now very round barmaid is due to hatch a baby girl in June. Di, our everso lovely soaker landlady is doing a great job running this nuthouse AND cooking as well!
More soon.
A few minutes before the church services started, the congregation were sitting in their pews and talking.
Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church.
Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.
Soon the church was empty except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence..
So Satan walked up to the man and said, 'Do you know who I am?'
The man replied, 'Yep, sure do.'
'Aren't you afraid of me?' Satan asked.
'Nope, sure ain't.' said the man.
'Don't you realize I can kill you with one word?' asked Satan.
'Don't doubt it for a minute,' returned the old man, in an even tone.
'Did you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying AGONY for all eternity?' persisted Satan.
'Yep,' was the calm reply.
'And you are still not afraid?' asked Satan.
' Nope,' said the old man
More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, 'Why aren't you afraid of me?'
The man calmly replied,
'Been married to your sister for 48 years.
Thanks to Mr.Farty
Di, our everso lovely soaker landlady accidently got pissed again the other night.
"It wasn't my fault!", she protested. "Whose fault was it?", I enquired, somewhat bemused at this statement.
"They kept buying me wine", she replied. "But you didn't have to drink it all in one night", I replied. "No, but....er...it would have been rude not to".
As the evening wore on and the drink kept flowing, mother nature kicked in and a trip to the loo beckoned. Stephen, one of the locals was locked in conversation with Di. "I've got to have a Pee", he says. "Me too", says Di, "I'll come with you".
In the GENTS, Stephen is stood at the urinal, Di is sat in the cubicle still talking.
"God, I sound like a carthorse having a piss", she blurts out. Stephen nearly wets himself!
It has been determined that the most used sexual position for married couples is the doggie position..........
The husband sits up and begs.
The wife rolls over and plays dead.
As you have gathered our pub has had a facelift, so the old header has had to be revised. What do you think? Any constructive criticisms and ideas welcome.
The charming lass in the header is Charlie, our lovely barmaid, and of course John himself. Here is a larger picture for you to print off and frame.
By the way, it was also my ex-wife's *SPIT* birthday yesterday. I hope it was a good one. . . and she got everything I wished for her. . .If you look at the picture on my blog header you will see the difference between then and the new decor and signs.
I think it looks a lot better! The food will hopefully start this weekend.
These are classified ads, which were actually placed in a U.K. newspaper!
FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 years old.
Hateful little bastard.
Bites!
FREE PUPPIES
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbour's dog.
FREE PUPPIES.
Mother, a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.
Father, Super Dog... able to leap tall fences in a single bound.
COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.
Also 1 gay bull for sale.
JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must sell washer and dryer £100.
WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE.
Worn once by mistake.
Call Stephanie.
*** And the WINNER is... ***
FOR SALE BY OWNER.
Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica,
45 volumes.
Excellent condition.....£200 or best offer.
No longer needed; got married last month.
Wife knows f#%#%#g everything!
The work is nearly done! Just the kitchen equipment to go in, then the food starts.
Di, our everso lovelyPhotos on the way.
Di,our everso lovely soakerlandlady went out with some of the locals to play poker at a club called "Dusk 'til Dawn". It's £30 to buy in ,so I went halves with her, hoping for a payback!
She is a crap poker player, and I'm a mug!!
The pub refurbishment is gathering steam. The kitchen has been knocked down and re-built. Waiting for the equipment to be fitted.
The painting has begun on the outside, new signs have started to go up and the new lighting is done.
Now all they have to do is refurbish the landlady!
Photos later.
Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out.
Both were very faithful and loving wives, however
They had got over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi
Breezers.
Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to
Pee, so they stopped in the cemetery.
One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought
She would take off her panties and use them.
Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive
Pair of panties and did not want to ruin them.
She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave
That had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she
Proceeded to wipe with that. ;
After the girls did their business they proceeded to
Go home.
The next day one of the woman's husband was concerned
That his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung
over,
so he phoned the other husband and said:
'These girl nights have got to stop! I'm starting to suspect the
worst.
My wife came home with no panties!!'
'That's nothing' said the other husband,
'Mine came back with a card stuck to her arse that
Said..
'From all of us at the Fire Station.
We'll never forget you.'
I am thinking about turning my blog into an E-book. I need your feedback. Should I try it?
I went back to the begining of my blog last night (over 3 years ago!) and realised that my musings are not as good as they were. My school report would read, "must do better"!
Anyway, with the mad woman running the pub, which is undergoing considerable refurbishment, things look good!
More later
Just when you thought it couldn't get any worse!
One of the locals took Di,our everso lovely soaker landlady to the post office in the nearest town.
When she came out the driver looked on disbelieving as she tried to get into the wrong van!
I have to get this book going!
