Thursday, 1 November 2012

Garden news.

BADGERS! We have Badgers! The bastards are digging up my lawn, digging holes in the flower beds and crapping in them.

To whom do I apply for a license to cull them? I don't want my beautiful garden destroyed, after Dads hard work!

One of my mates has a rather large calibre rifle with silencer. He's only a phone call away!!

12 comments:

cogidubnus said...

Oh lord - it's a bit like those moles...

I've got a nice box of plastic windmills going cheap...you see badgers don't like the whirring noise...

Alternatively you could perch on a small roundabout, a torch strapped to the barrel of a shotgun...and...

Perhaps not...I've been watching too much Jasper Carrot!

All the best

Dave

KLOE said...

Badgers? You must be moles or gophers I think it's a language thing, right? Because badgers are mean wild animals with sharp claws and really really sharp teeth.

Z said...

Don't be tempted to kill them, it's illegal and now you've mentioned it on the internet you'd be too easily traced. Do you have outdoor lights or could rig them up? I suspect that leaving the lights on all night (having spoken nicely to your neighbours of course) would discourage them within a few nights. Nocturnal animals don't like artificial light and you want to get them to decide to set up home somewhere else.

john.g. said...

Dave, unfortunately there are no small roundabouts in my garden!

john.g. said...

KLOE, welcome! They are definitely Badgers.

john.g. said...

Zed, there are deterrents in place. As their sett is not in my garden I can't be accused of disturbing them.

Keith said...

You heartless bastard! Don't you realise that they are God's little creatures, and as such you should feel privileged that they want to live in your garden. Just think of all the fun you can have watching they play amongst your flowerbeds and digging those marvellous holes in the lawn to live in.

Just think of your reward in Heaven for being so kind and loving towards them.

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On the other hand you could put ant-badger land mines in the lawn and watch them fly through the air every time they step on one.

Mickle in NZ said...

Coo, coorr - we don't have anything like that here.

When humans first arrived in NZ (some 900 to 1400 years ago) the only native mammals existing here were two types of bats - they basically did and still do fly around eating insects and going "Eep" at a high frequency.

It took the assorted waves of human immigrants/settlers to "extinct" more than a few bird species and really stuff it up completely!!!

But on the plus side - we don't have badgers, voles, moles or any snakes!

Guyana-Gyal said...

Wind in the willows!

Hello! JohnG! What ya complain' about? Them there's free diggers, it's so hard to dig soil, y'know. And with the poo you can make free fertilizer fer de garden!

I think setting Keef on them would send 'em runnin' hahaha.

john.g. said...

GG, you should see the damage! Oh, you're mad!! xxx

Pat said...

We had them and now they are gone. Not sure why.

Richard Wintle said...

If you lived here, you might very well have Skunks digging up your yard. Same colour scheme, but much stinkier when aggravated.

How this helps, I don't know.