*Five Minute Management
Course*Lesson 1An internal sales rep, a planner, and
the boss are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They
rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one
wish.
‘Me first! Me first!' says the planner.. 'I want to be in the
Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care
in the world..'
Poof! He's gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales
rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach
with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas, and the love of my
life.'
Poof! She's gone.
'OK, you're up,' the Genie says
to the boss, 'What do you want'? The manager says, 'I want those two back in
the office straight after lunch.'
Moral of the story:
Always let your
boss have the first say.
Lesson 2
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and
do nothing?'
The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'
So, the
rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested.
All of a sudden, a fox
appeared, jumped on the
rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To
be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high
up.
Lesson 3
A priest offered a Nun a lift.
She got in and
crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
The priest nearly
had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand
up her leg
The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest
removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg
again.
The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is
weak.'
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her
way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look
up Psalm 129. It said;
'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find
glory.'
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed
in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
Lesson 4A turkey was chatting with a bull. 'I
would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I
haven't got the energy.
'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my
droppings?' replied the bull. It's full of nutrients.'
The turkey pecked
at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the
lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he
reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night,
the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
He was promptly
spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the
story:
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you
there...
Lesson 5A little bird was flying south for the
winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large
field.
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on
him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to
realise how warm he was.
The dung was actually thawing him out!
He
lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.. A passing cat
heard the
bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound,
the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out
and ate him.
Morals of this story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on
you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your
friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth
shut!
THUS ENDS THE 5-MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE.
