Pub news Guyana style!!

After 3 weeks of anxious waiting my friend's pepper sauce has arrived! Made in Guyana, it leaves no guessing as to who I mean. Thanks GG.

The sauce is now in the pubs fridge, awaiting its weekend victims!

My Dad tried a tiny drop and it made his eyes water! "Bloody Hell, that is ridiculous!"He spluttered. In the pub I nailed a few suckers. One thought it was nice but dangerous, another swore at me, another said, "f*cking hell,that's evil!" Jez, the landlord dipped a bag of crisps in it and seemed to enjoy it! Strange. More victims on Sunday!

Pub news.

As you know I don't usually blog on a weekend, as most of you are out on the lash, but this, I felt, couldn't wait!

Di put some lovely spicy chicken wings on the bar today, and Paul being a gannet dived straight in. After consuming said wings he realised that there wern't any ashtrays to put the bones in. Charlie(Nikkis other half, not Di's dog!This is confusing.), gave him a plastic bag to put the bones in, and came out with the classic line........"That's not the first time you've put a bone into an old bag"!

In other pub related news, Nikki and Charlie came in with Monty, who after a busy morning fell asleep on the table! Keith
came in dressed like John Wayne minus the six-shooters. A bit different from the sartorial elegance of last week! This place is a madhouse! The Poacher is well on the mend after his recent hip operation, Trigger is still a tw*t, and all is well in the publogosphere! Take care, and keep smiling, I do!

Pub news and peace of mind.

I forgot to tell you, that, since Monday Di and Jez have been away on a short break to Di's sister's caravan on the East coast. The pub has been looked after by Dis' best friend Nikki(not she of the horse), and she has done a great job. Not even Trigger phased her!

The wedding went well last weekend. The only slight blip was during the night when a rather fierce gale wrecked Jez's marquee. Fortunately nobody was in it!! Photos soon hopefully.

PEACE OF MIND

It's been 8 1/2 years since I got squashed,(doesn't time fly when you're having fun?), and due to various hitches, like waiting for someone to die,(sounds awful doesn't it?), I have finally got the compensation money that ensures my future care. Myself, Dad, and two of my closest friends met one of my solicitors to put signatures to a trust fund. All I need now is the bankers draft, and it's job done! This should be next week.

As you can imagine, this has been a stressful time, and tonight we shall sleep well in knowledge that it is finally over! Oh, and I made my will while we were there! Peace of mind at last!

Joke Tuesday.

INNER PEACE.

I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me today, and we all could probably use more calm in our lives.

Some doctor on the television this morning said that the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started. So I looked around my house to see things I'd started and hadn't finished and, before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Shhhardonnay, a bodle of Bailey, a butle of vocka, a pockage of Prunglies, tha mainder of bot Prozic and Valium sciptins, the rest of the Chesescke an a pox of chocolets.

Yu haf no idr who fkin gud I fel.

Peas sen dis orn to dem yu fee ar in ned ov inr pece!

BURP!

Pub news.

This lunchtime was a hive of activity, Di was running around like a headless chicken (sorry, Sarah). Jez was bedecking the pub with pink and white bunting. There is a marquee in the garden. Balloons abounded. Everywhere one could abound, they abounded.

The kitchen issued beautiful smells of epicurean delights. Trigger wasn't in. All was good, apart from Di's swearing and hitting me instead of Trigger!

Well I hope the wedding reception goes alright,you have done a great job!!

Oh, Tony, the groom, whom I met the other day has asked Jez to send me some photos to put on the blog. Could be interesting!

Joke Tuesday.....ish!

No joke today, I've something else to hopefully make you smile! Oh, BTW, my memory card arrived today for the new camera. I am happier, just the case and the instruction book in English to come.

Now, onto funny things. Let me know your favourites.

New camera!

I bought a new camera from Amazon the other day. A Nikon D40 SLR.It arrived today. The deal was as follows: "[Bundle] Nikon - D40 black + AF-S DX 18-55 mm Lens + PIX SLR Camera case (15 x 11 x 14.5 cm) + 2 GB Memory card".

The camera looks great, the battery is on charge, but where is the camera case, the memory card, AND why are ALL the instructions in f*cking FRENCH?

I am pissed off!

Unicorn!

I saw this photo in the paper this morning. Apparently unique, due to the centrally sited horn, this Roe deer was born in captivity in Tuscany.Scientists think it must be a genetic defect.(really?)

This is not me messing with photoshop, as the article can be found on the Daily Telegraph web site!

Joke Tuesday! With a difference!

I put a joke on here earlier, but Sylv remembered that I posted that last week, and that I might be suffering from the onset of Alzhiemers. What's that?

Anyway, thanks Sylv!

As I have run out of jokes I have something else for you to have fun with.

This is from the programme for the Ashby Magna dog show. Read the listed categories on the dog show agenda, and using your knowledge of the Merrie Monks' locals, put the local to a category. Here is a guide to the locals: Me. Trigger, Keith, Nikki, Charlie, Di, Jez, The Poacher, Poachers' Dad, Poachers' Uncle and his crocodile dog

Be CAREFUL !

Click on the picture to read it clearly.

Have fun!

Goths Challenge!

I have decided on a film title, alternating with a cd title.

The challenge has been accepted!

Thank-you for your input, Goth says it could take a few days, as he is busy at work............ Bollocks!

Betting on the Gee-Gees.

I have this friend, see? Sometimes he can be a bit dim. I don’t think it has anything to do with the fact he is in a wheelchair, or that he drinks rather a lot at times, but he likes to have a bet on the gee-gees occasionally. Well; all the time really if the truth be known.

On Saturday he chose several horses to waste his money on, but none of them came anywhere. In fact they may still be running. The other way!

What my friend didn't notice that there was a horse called “Triggers Friend” running. Now my friend is a big fan of the real ‘Trigger’ who haunts the “Merrie Monk “ pub, and taunts Di, the landlady. No doubt some of you out there will have noticed that my friend sometimes speaks kindly of him on this blog.

The upshot is that my friend, failed to notice that this horse was running, and a rank outsider at that. It WON at 66 to 1! He confessed to me in the pub today that he didn't put any money on it. I must admit that I don’t like to see a grown man cry, it’s very upsetting, so I ran out to the "Gents" to have a good cry myself laugh. Ha, ha, ha, ha. . . Jeez! What a wally. . .

John's revenge!

Having completed the challenge set for me by Spanish Goth I feel I must return the favour.

At the moment I am toying with book titles, using the word 'AND' to join them, as Goth did for me.

Unless you have other ideas..............! Let's make him work!

Spanish Goth's challenge.

When Harry met Sally, Along came a Spider To Kill a Mockingbird, and Kiss the Girls. "The Untouchables, The Firm and Kelly's Heroes; Any Which Way you Can, Kill Bill!"

"Never Say Never Again, Dr. No, It's a Mad,Mad,Mad,Mad World!"

Aliens! Behind Enemy Lines.....Clear and Present Danger!

The Searchers, Saving Private Ryan, Where Eagles Dare From Russia, with love,(The Sum of all Fears).

Ice Cold from Alex Arthur,You Only Live Twice!

The Lost World:Jurassic Park and One Million Years BC, Sudden Impact!!

Debbie Does Dallas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THE END!

Joke Tuesday!

A little guy is sat at the bar, when all of a sudden a thug walks in and smacks him in the face and says "That's KUNG FU from Japan." A bit later the thug smacks him again and says, "That's TAE KWON DO from Korea."

The little guy gets up and staggers out of the bar.

A short time later he comes back and smacks the thug around the head, knocking him out cold!

The little guy says to the barman." When that Tw*t wakes up, tell him that was a f*cking SHOVEL from B&Q!

A challenge!

I have been challenged by the nutter known as spanishgoth.blogspot.com/

He has asked several of us to write a post using only film titles, and the word "AND". Personally, I think he's bonkers, but that is what keeps me visiting his blog!

More soon!!

Village news!

I bring you village news, not as an item of interest, but of mirth. Years ago I used to play cricket for the local pub team. We were crap, but, although pissed when we took to the field were always up for a game. We used to meet in the Queen's Arms, just down the road from my house. "Meet at 12 o'clock." ordered the captain. Who were we to argue, after all we didn't start playing until 3 o'clock!

I digress. I have been in my wheelchair for eight years now, my Dad is 79, and now, this very day, we get a flyer through the post from the bloke who lives OPPOSITE us saying.........SOUTH LEIRE CRICKET TEAM needs you! They play a North versus South game each year during the summer festival. It is great fun, but I think we shall abstain.

You would have thought that they would have realised that we were non-starters, or do you have any other ideas?