Monday, 20 April 2009

In the Munney!

I’m rich! I’m RICH! At last! My ship has come in.

On checking my emails last week I find that my uncle, Imbola Satmoni, has left me $100,000,000 and to claim it all I have to do is send $5,000 to cover the transfer fees to my new “soliciter” in Nigeria with my bank details. Great!

Then I find that I have won $25,000,000 on a lottery that I must have forgotten I’d entered. (Reminder to self: Must find the ticket out ready to claim)

Did you know that I have also been award a UN Peace Prize with a monetary award of 5,000 Somalian Marks? Well I have! I just have to let them know my bank details and they will transfer the money AND send me a superbly gilded diploma (?) in a GOLD frame to hang on my hut wall and make everyone in the village jealous!

I just can’t wait to get my hands on all that money. I will treat all my bloggy-friends to a glass of lemonade at the “Merrie Monk” as soon as it is in my bank account.

UPDATE: Just received an email from the Royal Bank of Scotland saying that my bank account had been accessed by persons unknown and would I forward my account number, password, PIN number and credit card details ASAP so that they can check to see how much money is missing. They assure me that whatever has been taken illegally will be replaced by them at their own expense. Isn’t that nice?

I have just emailed them thanking them for their kind consideration, but I do not have an account with the Bank of Scotland, but if they send me a cheque for £5,000 I will open one with it and then can replace all the money that was stolen from that account. That’s fair enough isn’t it?

So it looks like I’ve lost all of Uncle Imbolas money, my lottery winnings, and my UN money. Still I shall the gold frame with the posh diploma to sell, and then I can go to the Salvation Army Soup Kitchen and have a slap-up dinner.

Ah well, you win some, and you lose some. Ca la vie!

6 comments:

Rog said...

Will you get a free pen John?

Mickle in NZ said...

Keith - Excellent reaction to the infamous "Nigerean Scam".

Silly people - they've clearly never read "Keith and the Sky Television sales bloke". I sent a copy of this glorious Gem of yours to my Folks when you posted it - much laughter in Tauranga, NZ.

Care and huggles, Michelle/ Mickle and my snoring cat

john.g. said...

Damn, my bloody round AGAIN!

Lyrically speaking said...

Lol, such a funny post...I truly enjoyed reading you, will come again

Mal's Team Gherkin said...

Isn't it amazing! why, just this week i got some amazing pills that increased my size and girth by 20% overnight! Wow~ hahahahaaa!

Guyana-Gyal said...

You just don't want to share with us, so you're pretending it's all gone.