Paul, the landlord is back from Australia. They had a good time and look sickeningly brown!
After hearing Pauls' account of his holiday, one thing is certain. I WILL NOT visit Australia! The cheapest pint he found was £8.00! The dearest.....£12.00! Sod that!
My Favourite Animal
Our teacher asked what my favourite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken."
She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed.
My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal.
I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA.
He said they love animals very much.
I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the headmaster's office.
I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again.
The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was.
I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.
She sent me back to the headmaster's office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.
I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am.
Today, my teacher asked me to tell her what famous person I admired most.
I told her, "Colonel Sanders."
Guess where I am now...
This thing has been on the wall of our outhouse for some weeks now. Can any of you budding entymologists tell me what it is, or what it will become? I have no idea, but my instinct says a moth pupae. Save the picture in JPEG format, then you can really get in close.
I didn't post this yesterday, as it was Joke Tuesday. It was packed in the pub, thirty or so ramblers had booked in for lunch after their walk. Plus the usual walk-ins. This gives the 'chairman' some fresh faces to have a bit of banter with!
Why Parents Drink ............
The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees was absent but had not phoned in sick one day. Needing to have an urgent problem with one of the main computers resolved, he dialled the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper. ' Hello ? '
'Is your daddy home?' he asked.
' Yes ,' whispered the small voice.
May I talk with him?'
The child whispered, ' No .'
Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, 'Is your Mummy there?' ' Yes '
'May I talk with her?' Again the small voice whispered, ' No '
Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, 'Is anybody else there?'
' Yes , ' whispered the child, ' a policeman . '
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, 'May I speak with the policeman?'
' No, he's busy , ' whispered the child.
'Busy doing what?'
' Talking to Daddy and Mummy and the Fireman , ' came the whispered answer.
Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, 'What is that noise?'
' A helicopter ' answered the whispering voice.
'What is going on there?' demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive. Again, whispering, the child answered,
' The search team just landed a helicopter '
Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, 'What are they searching for?'
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle...
' ME ....'
I love watching the birds in my garden and always admire their resilience. The first two weeks of February this year have been the coldest for 26 years, with an average temperature of minus 0.7c, so keeping the birds fed is a priority.
I count 9 Blackbirds in this photo, taken on the patio. In total there were 27 in the garden at the same time!
The Goldfinch, one of my favourite garden birds. The "clown of the garden",owing to its' colourful face.
Bullfinches, Mr, and Mrs. Always in pairs. You wouldn't think, that years ago they were shot to stop them stripping the buds off fruit trees!
The 'silver pound' serves this pub very well. Packed again today! There was a mini bus in the car park when I arrived at noon. A dozen or so elderly ladies, who frequent the pub once a month-ish. They are a very pleasant bunch, as one would expect of their age group. The 'Chairman' has a joke with them. Then a steady stream of people kept coming in.
Times seem good!
What Starts with F and ends with K?
A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, 'Harry, what's your problem?'
Harry answered, 'I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!'
Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.
While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.
Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: 'What is 3 x 3?'
Harry: '9.'
Principal: 'What is 6 x 6?'
Harry: '36.'
And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.
The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, 'I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade.'
Ms. Brooks says to the principal, 'Let me ask him some questions.'
The principal and Harry both agreed.
Ms. Brooks asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?'
Harry, after a moment: 'Legs.'
Ms Brooks: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'
The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!
Harry replied: 'Pockets.'
Ms. Brooks: 'What does a dog do that a man steps into?'
Harry: 'Pants.'
Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?'
Harry: 'Coconut.'
The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.
Ms. Brooks: 'What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?'
The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, 'Bubble gum.'
Ms. Brooks: 'What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?'
Harry: 'Shake hands.'
The principal was trembling..
Ms. Brooks: 'What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?'
Harry: 'Firetruck.'
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, 'Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong.....'
Paul and his family flew out to Australia this morning.
Surprise,surprise, the pub was packed! Now, don't get me wrong, Paul is a cracking landlord, but it seems that every time there is a quiet spell, then Paul has a day off the place is packed! His sister, Sally has, potentially, 16 more days of this!
Paul, the landlord and his family fly out to Perth, Western Australia tomorrow for 3 weeks of blistering heat,(98f yesterday!). His sister Sally is looking after the place. She has good experience in the trade, so the 'Chairman' will be kept in check.I'll wager the pub will be really busy, as it always is on Paul's time off!
We had a stroke of luck today. I got up at the usual time, and, once dad had put the top half of my clothes on, went downstairs.
"It's a bit nippy," I said. "You're right", he replied. On inspection,the boiler had packed up! Dad rang the people who service the boiler, and they said tomorrow morning was the earliest they could make it. It's due to be -8c tonight, so dad had a look at the boiler. A fuse had gone!!!
We are warm again, and saved the call-out fee!
You think you have lived to be 80 and know who you are, then along comes someone and blows it all to hell!
An old Marine Pilot sat down at the Starbucks, still wearing his old USMC flight suit and leather jacket and ordered a cup of coffee.
As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the pilot and asked,
Are you a real pilot?
He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life flying planes, first Stearmans, then the early Grummans... flew a Wildcat and Corsair in WWII, and later in the Korean conflict, Banshees and Cougars. I've taught more than 260 people to fly and given rides to hundreds, so I guess I am a pilot, and you, what are you?
She said, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about naked women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about naked women. When I shower, I think about naked women. When I watch TV, I think about naked women. It seems everything makes me think of naked women.'
The two sat sipping in silence.
A little while later, a young man sat down on the other side of the old pilot and asked: "are you a real pilot?"
He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian.'
What a difference a day makes! I went to the pub as usual yesterday lunchtime. Dad picked me up at 3pm. We got home at 3.10pm, just as it started snowing.
The following photos were taken this morning.
Trellis at the bottom of the garden.
A very cold blackbird in the viburnum.
All of a sudden the mist descended.
All the photos below were taken on the same morning through my conservatory window.
Frosty wndow. It was minus 5c!
A close-up. Zoom in, it looks great! The butterfly is supposed to deter bird strikes...it doesn't!
This scruffy Robin has been a regular since the cold snap started.
Male Blackbird and Goldfinch.
This male Sparrowhawk made an unsuccessful raid!. Zoom in, he's a beauty.
Our tame female Blackbird. Her male partner is tamer, but he'd had his feed and cleared off.
It doesn't seem to let you zoom in, which is unfortunate.
