Tuesday, 15 May 2012

Joke Tuesday.

Subject: Fw: Irish Humour

Paddy says to Mick - I'm ready for a holiday, only this year
I'm going to do it a bit different. 3 years ago I went to Spain and
Mary got pregnant. 2 years ago I went to Italy and Mary got pregnant.
Last year I went to Majorca and Mary got pregnant. Mick asks - So
what are you doing different this year?. Paddy replies, - I'll take
her with me!

Paddy says to Mick, "Christmas is on a Friday this year"....
Mick says "Let's hope it's not the 13th."

Paddy & Mick find three grenades, so they take them to a
police station. Mick: "What if one explodes before we get there?"
Paddy: "We'll lie and say we only found two."

Paddy's in the bathroom and Murphy shouts to him. "Did you
find the shampoo?" Paddy says, "yes but it's for dry hair and I've
just wet mine."

Paddy spies a letter lying on his doormat. It says on the
envelope "DO NOT BEND ".
Paddy spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick the
bloody thing up.

Paddy shouts frantically into the phone "My wife is pregnant
and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor. "No", shouts Paddy, "this
is her husband!"

Paddy was driving home, drunk as a skunk, suddenly he has to
swerve to avoid a tree, then another, then another.
A cop car pulls him over as he veers about all over the road. Paddy
tells the cop about all the trees in the road.
Cop says "For gods sake Paddy, that's your air freshener swinging

An old Irish farmer's dog goes missing and he's inconsolable.
His wife says "Why don't you put an advert in the paper?"
He does, but two weeks later the dog is still missin g. "What did you
put in the paper?" his wife asks. "Here boy" he replies.

Paddy's in jail. Guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging
by his feet. "What the hell you doing?" he asks. "Hanging myself"
Paddy replies. "It should be around your neck" says the Guard. "I
know" says Paddy "but I couldn't breathe".

An answer I can understand. An American tourist asks an
Irishman: "Why do Scuba divers always fall backwards off their
To which the Irishman replies: "If they fell forwards, they'd still
be in the bloody boat."


OldLady Of The Hills said...

WEll, those two are a laugh-riot.....lol!

Z said...

I laughed like a drain, dear heart, and chortled out loud at the last one.

Bol said...

Stole most of these for FaceBook status's. Thanks for the chortle's John

Karmyn R said...

Love them - but my all time Paddy joke?

Paddy worked at the distillery and one day his co-workers came to tell his wife that he had fallen into one of the vats and died.

She was horrified and wanted to know if anyone had tried to save him.

"Of course." They replied, "We pulled him out twice, but after he jumped back in the 3rd time we finally just let him be"