Tuesday, 25 February 2014

Joke Tuesday.

Some of you will get this, some wont!

My golfing friends:

I have written a book and am quite proud of the results and in order to market the publication. I'm asking friends and to spread the news about this essential read.

This book on golf gives the reader valuable playing tips and insider information that I have gained through my many years of experience


Highlights include:

Chapter 1) How to Properly Line Up Your Fourth Putt.

Chapter 2) How to Hit a Maxfli ball from the Rough When You Just Hit a Titleist from the Tee.

Chapter 3) How to Get More Distance off the Shank.

Chapter 4) When to Give the Greenkeeper the Finger.

Chapter 5) Proper Excuses for Drinking Beer Before 9:00 a.m.

Chapter 6) How to Find That Ball That Everyone Else Saw Go in the Water.

Chapter 7) How to Relax When You Are Hitting Three off the Tee.

Chapter 8) How to Relax When You Are Hitting Five off the Tee.

Chapter 9) When to Suggest Major Swing Corrections to Your Opponent.

and not forgetting...

Chapter 10) How to help your opponent find his ball when you are standing on it.

The book also includes some useful GOLF TERMINOLOGY.

A Paris Hilton - an expensive hole.

A Muldoon - very very nasty little 5 footer.

A Salman Rushdie - an impossible read.

A Rock Hudson - thought it was straight, but it wasn't.

A Cuban - needs one more revolution.

An Elton John - a big bender that lips the rim.

An Adolf Hitler - two shots in the bunker.

A Yasser Arafat - ugly and in the sand.

A Kate Moss - bit thin.

A Gerry Adams - playing a Provisional.

A Rodney King - over-clubbed.

An O.J. Simpson - got away with it.

A Princess Grace - should have taken a driver.

A Princess Di - shouldn't have taken a driver.

An elephant's arse - high and shitty.

A condom - safe but didn't feel real good.

I have copies in stock but I anticipate a rush so be quick and ensure you don't miss out! Please pass this information to anyone who you feel may benefit from my expertise......


Dumdad said...

I don't play golf but very funny anyway!

cogidubnus said...

John that's one of your best!



John Greenwood said...

Cheers, Dave. As a former golfer, I loved it!

John Greenwood said...

Glad you enjoyed it, Dumdad!

Pat said...

Golf really wasn't my game and I kept getting hit by other people's balls.