Minus 6c in our garden this morning! It is currently -3c (3-30pm).
The weather forecast for Friday gives sub-zero temperatures with 4 to 5" of snow. Not good when your drive is on a slope, and the only person in the house remotely capable is 83!
Clearing that much snow is well beyond Dad's stamina levels now, so the neighbours could be getting a call!
Always wear clean underwear in public, especially when working under
your
vehicle.
From the Daily News comes this story of a Leicester
couple
who drove their car to ASDA, only to have their car break down in
the
car park.
The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping
while he fixed the
car. The wife returned later to see a small group of
people near the car.
On closer inspection, she saw a pair of hairy legs
protruding from under
the chassis. Unfortunately, although the man was in
shorts, his lack of
underpants turned his private parts into glaringly public
ones...
Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped
forward,
quickly put her hand UP his shorts, and tucked everything back
into
place.
On regaining her feet, she looked across the bonnet and
found
herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by
watching.
The AA mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his
forehead.
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Men
Are Just Happier People
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NICKNAMES
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· If Laura, Kate and Sarah go
out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and
Sarah.
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· If Mike, Dave and John go
out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Dickhead and Shit
for Brains.
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EATING
OUT
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· When the bill arrives,
Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50.
None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want
change back.
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· When the girls get their
bill, out come the pocket calculators.
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MONEY
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· A man will pay $2 for a $1
item he needs.
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· A woman will pay $1 for a
$2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
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BATHROOMS
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· A man has six items in his
bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a
towel.
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· The average number of items
in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify
more than 20 of these items.
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ARGUMENTS
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· A woman has the last word
in any argument.
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· Anything a man says after
that is the beginning of a new argument.
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FUTURE
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· A woman worries about the
future until she gets a husband.
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· A man never worries about
the future until he gets a wife.
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SUCCESS
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· A successful man is one who
makes more money than his wife can spend.
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· A successful woman is one
who can find such a man.
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MARRIAGE
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· A woman marries a man
expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
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· A man marries a woman
expecting that she won't change, but she does.
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DRESSING
UP
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· A woman will dress up to go
shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and
get the mail.
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· A man will dress up for
weddings and funerals.
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NATURAL
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· Men wake up as good-looking
as they went to bed.
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· Women somehow deteriorate
during the night.
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OFFSPRING
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· Ah, children. A woman
knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and
romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and
dreams.
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· A man is vaguely aware of
some short people living in the house.
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THOUGHT FOR THE
DAY
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A married man should forget his
mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same
thing!
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I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my gas with the beat of the music.
After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee, and noticed that everybody was staring at me....
Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.
...and how was your day?
My computer guru phoned earlier. He's just recieved my new 'puter. It will replace the 7 year old slug I currently use. He's putting on various apps from my external hard drive, and he says it's flying.
Can't wait!
The importance of having an occupation after retirement.
As we get older we sometimes begin to doubt our ability to "make a difference" in the world.
It is at these times that our hopes are boosted by the remarkable achievements of other "seniors" who have found the courage to take on challenges that would make many of us wither.
Harold Schlumberg is such a person:
THIS IS QUOTED FROM HAROLD:
"I've often been asked, 'What do you do now that you're retired?'
Well...I'm fortunate to have a chemical engineering background and one of the things I enjoy most is converting beer, wine and whisky into urine. It's rewarding, uplifting, satisfying and fulfilling. I do it every day and I really enjoy it."
Harold should be an inspiration to us all.
