Tuesday, 5 May 2009

Joke Tuesday.

How you know you are getting old!





1. Kidnappers

are not very

interested in you.


2. In a hostage situation,
you are likely to be

released first.


3. No one expects

you to run --

anywhere


4. People call at 9 PM

and ask,

'Did I wake you?'



5. People no longer

view you as a

hypochondriac.


6. There is nothing left

to learn the hard way.


7. Things you buy now

won't wear out.


8. You can eat

supper at 4 PM.


9. You can live

without sex

but not your glasses.


10. You get into

heated arguments

about pension plans.


11. You no longer think

of speed limits

as a challenge.


12. You quit trying

to hold
your stomach in

no matter who walks

into the room.



13. You sing along

with elevator music.



14. Your eyes won't get

much worse.


15. Your investment

in health insurance

is finally beginning

to pay off.


16. Your joints are more
accurate meteorologists

than the national

weather service.


17. Your secrets are safe

with your friends

because they can't

remember them either.


18. Your supply of brain cells

is finally down to

a manageable size.


19. You can't remember

who sent you this list.

And you notice

these are all

in big print

for your convenience.



Forward this

to everyone

you can remember

right now!

ONE MORE THING:


Never,

under any circumstances,

take a sleeping pill,

and a laxative on

the same night!

11 comments:

Mickle in NZ said...

Brilliant m'dear. Think I qualified for some back in my 30s.

Hey - major surgery done privately in 1998 = I made a Profit on my Health Insurance. Not many can claim that!!

Teehee - never a need for laxatives for bloody years now, however I have a good supply of immodium at hand.

If only the guts could be fitted with brakes!

huggles and much love, Mickle, my stroppy innards and my wussy, snuggly Purrball, xxxxxxxx

john.g. said...

Thanks Mickle, love to you back! xx

thepinkdog said...

LOL!!!! Love it. Ah, the things I can look forward to - not! Thanks for the afternoon chuckle John! ; )

john.g. said...

Caroline, it's a pleasure!

Jayne said...

I won't divulge how many things on that list I can relate to, but let's just say there's more than one!

Now..........where was I?


LOL

mutleythedog said...

I have forgotten what I was going to say... how do you make the post come back again? Oh bother...

#Debi said...

Yeah, there's too much truth in that list... :)

PI said...

Can't argue with that. Unfortunately:)

john.g. said...

You lot have had interesting lives!

Z said...

I'm all right. I don't wear glasses.

© Karelian Blonde said...

I admit to everything!