Joke Tuesday.

SEVENTEEN LINES TO MAKE YOU SMILE

1. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was god and I didn't.
2. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
4. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
5. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
6. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me
7. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
8. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing.
9. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
10. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
11. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
12. Being 'over the hill' is much better than being under it!
13. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.
14. Procrastinate Now!
15. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
16. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
17. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.