Joke Tuesday.

A Guy stuck his head into a barbershop and asked, 'How long before I can get a haircut? The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, 'About 2 hours.'

The guy left.

A few days later, the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, 'How long before I can get a haircut?' The barber looked around at the shop and said, 'About 3 hours.'

The guy left.

A week later, the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, 'How long before I can get a haircut?' The barber looked around the shop and said, 'About an hour and a half'

.

The guy left.

The barber turned to his friend and said, 'Hey, Bob, do me a favour , follow him and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but he never comes back.'

A little while later, Bob returned to the shop, laughing hysterically. The barber asked, 'So, where does he go when he leaves?'

Bob looked up, wiped the tears from his eyes and said....

'Your house'

Joke Tuesday.

FUTURE OF SCOTLAND.

If Scotland gains its independence after the forthcoming referendum, the remainder of the United Kingdom will be known as the Former United Kingdom (F.U.K.).

In a bid to discourage the Scots from voting 'Yes' in the referendum, Lib.Dems have now begun a campaign with the slogan: "Please Vote 'No' For FUK's Sake!"

They feel the Scottish people can relate to this, particularly those of Glaswegian origin!

Home news.

I have a new *chariot*! The people at the centre did a brilliant job fixing my arm rest to the new chair.

The reason there's a wheel missing is that the engineer was taking the push rim off for me.

Pub news.

The Christmas decorations went up yesterday! That means we'll have a month of carols on the stereo!

The people around here can't be superstitious, as Paul has ninety booked in on Friday 13th Dec!!

Don't these people get fed up of turkey?

The Xmas meals start on the 1st, and the pub is fully booked for the month!

Joke Tuesday.

The following may contain and ending that may upset some of the more squeamish of you...but, hey ho!

I walked into a pet shop today and said, "I'll have those two cute baby rabbits in the window please".

"No problem." she smiled, "Would you like anything else?"

"Yes, I replied, "I'll have one of the big things that they go inside".

"A hutch?", she asked.

"A snake"...

Pub news.

Yesterday was an absolute blast!!

A reunion of 80% of the "Gang of the 80's"

Picture Joke Tuesday.

This is NOT a jibe at the elderly, as I will be one soon-ish!

Joke Tuesday.

A 75-year-old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk. The Receptionist said, 'Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?'

'There's something wrong with my dick', he replied.

The receptionist became irritated and said, 'You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that.' 'Why not, you asked me what was wrong and I told you,' he said.

The Receptionist replied; 'Now you have caused some needless embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private.'

The man replied, 'You should not ask people questions in a roomful of strangers if the answer could embarrass anyone.' The man then decided to walk out, waited several minutes and then re-entered.

The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, 'Yes??'

'There's something wrong with my ear,' he stated loudly.

The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice. 'What is wrong with your ear, Sir?'

'I can't piss out of it,' he replied.

Cheers, Malc Riley!!

Home news.

I've ordered a new chariot!

The summer one!

And the winter one!

Home news.

The technician at wheelchair services came out to service my chariot this morning. After nearly 14 years of hard labour the old girl failed the MOT, and was consigned to the scrapheap! The part of the back-rest that holds my life-blood arm support has snapped, and is beyond repair. So, a new chariot will be here A.S.A.P!

The old girl's lasted well!