Pub news.

If you look at the picture on my blog header you will see the difference between then and the new decor and signs.

I think it looks a lot better! The food will hopefully start this weekend.

Joke Tuesday.

These are classified ads, which were actually placed in a U.K. newspaper!


FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 years old.
Hateful little bastard.
Bites!


FREE PUPPIES
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbour's dog.


FREE PUPPIES.
Mother, a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.
Father, Super Dog... able to leap tall fences in a single bound.


COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.
Also 1 gay bull for sale.


JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must sell washer and dryer £100.

WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE.
Worn once by mistake.
Call Stephanie.

*** And the WINNER is... ***

FOR SALE BY OWNER.
Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica,
45 volumes.
Excellent condition.....£200 or best offer.
No longer needed; got married last month.
Wife knows f#%#%#g everything!

Pub news.

The work is nearly done! Just the kitchen equipment to go in, then the food starts.

Di, our everso lovely soaker landlady is very excited! She has recieved a lot of enquiries about the menu already. Fingers crossed!

Photos on the way.

Pub news.

Di,our everso lovely soakerlandlady went out with some of the locals to play poker at a club called "Dusk 'til Dawn". It's £30 to buy in ,so I went halves with her, hoping for a payback!

She is a crap poker player, and I'm a mug!!

Pub news.

The pub refurbishment is gathering steam. The kitchen has been knocked down and re-built. Waiting for the equipment to be fitted.

The painting has begun on the outside, new signs have started to go up and the new lighting is done.

Now all they have to do is refurbish the landlady!

Photos later.

Joke Tuesday.

Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out.
Both were very faithful and loving wives, however
They had got over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi
Breezers.

Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to
Pee, so they stopped in the cemetery.

One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought
She would take off her panties and use them.

Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive
Pair of panties and did not want to ruin them.

She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave
That had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she
Proceeded to wipe with that. ;

After the girls did their business they proceeded to
Go home.

The next day one of the woman's husband was concerned
That his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung
over,
so he phoned the other husband and said:
'These girl nights have got to stop! I'm starting to suspect the
worst.
My wife came home with no panties!!'

'That's nothing' said the other husband,
'Mine came back with a card stuck to her arse that
Said..

'From all of us at the Fire Station.
We'll never forget you.'

Pub news.

I am thinking about turning my blog into an E-book. I need your feedback. Should I try it?

I went back to the begining of my blog last night (over 3 years ago!) and realised that my musings are not as good as they were. My school report would read, "must do better"!

Anyway, with the mad woman running the pub, which is undergoing considerable refurbishment, things look good!

More later

Pub news.

Just when you thought it couldn't get any worse!

One of the locals took Di,our everso lovely soaker landlady to the post office in the nearest town.

When she came out the driver looked on disbelieving as she tried to get into the wrong van!

I have to get this book going!

Joke Tuesday.

This is a free public service announcement.

How to clean a toilet...


This was simply too much of a time saver not to share it with you.



1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.



2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.



3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close the lid. You may need to stand on the lid.


4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.



5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a 'power-wash and rinse'.



6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.



7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift the lid.



8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.



9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.






Sincerely,
The Dog

Joke Tuesday.

A young monk arrives at the monastery.
He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand.

He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript.
So, the new monk goes to the Abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up!
In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies.

The Abbot says 'We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son.'

He goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original manuscripts are held as archives in a locked vault that hasn't been opened for hundreds of years.

Hours go by and nobody sees the old Abbot.


So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him.
He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing.
'We missed the R! We missed the R! We missed theR!
His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is sobbing uncontrollably.
The young monk asks the old abbot, 'What's wrong, father?'

With A choking voice, the old abbot replies,
'The word was...



'CELEBRATE!!!