Tuesday, 18 January 2011

Joke Tuesday.

Oh, boy am I in trouble now!

The Man Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down

Finally, the guys' side of the story.
( I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear "the rules"
From the female side....

Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1"

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports - It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem onlyif you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it , just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches,it will be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing", We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Football
or The Simpson's.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. RoundIS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can -
to give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can -

to give them a bigger laugh.


© Karelian Blonde said...

And you can obviously only count to 1. *LOL*

john.g. said...

KB,now,now, 5's the max!

Guyana-Gyal said...

1. Haha, as long as I'm not driving, and I ain't paying for the gas, a chap can get lost all he can...I love going for drives, sitting in the passenger seat.

1. The toilet cover / lid should be down when you flush. Hygiene. My mother LECTURED that into all of us, boys and gals.

Mr Rob said...

Looks like Guyana-Gyal has taken the carrot John. Typical woman

john.g. said...

Well read Mr.Rob!!

Pat said...

Well I'm with GG.

john.g. said...

Mum 2, lol

Guyana-Gyal said...

Ahhh, but you boys KNOW you love us!

Mickle in NZ said...

I'm with GG, but I did have a really good laugh. My dear paternal Grandma trained her sons well before she let them loose in the world - she must have know her 3 lads would have 7 daughters and just the 1 son between them all!

sablonneuse said...

I'm not getting involved in the loo seat debate because it was such a good laugh even though a lot of it - OK most of it - well maybe ALL of it - was so true!

Z said...

Sad to say, I agree with every word. Maybe I'm a bloke at heart.