Monday, 2 July 2007

Letter.

I had a letter today from the spinal injuries hospital in Sheffield, where I underwent my re-hab. It is a superb facility, clean, efficient, and full of dedicated staff. The consultant who looked after me wants to see me for a check-up. I haven't been back for three years because there is nothing wrong with me, and Dad is now 78, and it's too much of a round trip for him to drive. So I rang them up and said that I wouldn't be attending because I didn't want to put Dad through the return trip.
They said they would lay on an ambulance from Leicester to take me there and bring me back! Good use of NHS funds? I told them I was still ok, and to give my appointment to someone who needs it.

If they ring back I shall sign myself off.

Near panic!

12.00 noon, pull up at front of pub, close to front door. Exit car. Door is locked. Strange! Dad walks round the back. 5 people, including the landlord stood outside. What is happening?

Di, the landlady has gone to pick Sharon the barmaid up. So what?

She's locked the door, and in turn locked the landlord out!!

12.10. Di returns, and normality resumes. Phew!

Sunday, 1 July 2007

No smoking.

Today was the start of nanny states no smoking in enclosed public places. The pub was as busy as usual. and as one might expect the conversation centred around the lack of ashtrays. I went throgh the lunch session without sneaking out for a cig. It was fairly easy because I had a lot of friends in to keep the conversation going thus keeping my mind busy. The big test will be tomorrow, when it will be quieter.
I intend to keep my appointment on Thursday, just to make sure.
My friend's (who was hypnotised 6 months ago) girlfriend went to the same hypnotist last Wednesday, and she hasn't wanted a cig since. If she can stop, I'll have no trouble!

Saturday, 30 June 2007

Missing person

Where is Yaxlich ? Not a squeak since June 5th. Somebody find him.

BTW. Keith (smithy lane/grumpy old git) has severed his links with Yahoo, and is currently looking for a new provider. He assures me he will be back soon. When he comes back I shall present him with a bill for services rendered in providing this information. How many pints do you think would be fair?

Thursday, 28 June 2007

Hypnotism.

I've had a terrible thought. What if the hypnotherapist gets it all wrong?
She might make me carry on smoking, and stop me drinking instead! This would be a disaster of cataclysmic proportions. Worse than the war on Iraq, or Brown becoming PM. This would spell the end of Publog. I'd better call to double check my reasons or I wont sleep tonight.

Tuesday, 26 June 2007

A new start.

On the 1st of July, the smoking ban comes into effect in Blighty. I enjoy my cigs, but being one of the less mobile sorts I have decided to quit, rather tha struggle outside. So, on July 5th at 3pm, I am going to get hypnotised. One of my mates did this 6 months ago, and hasn't wanted one since, so I am going to the same person.

Wish me luck. £80 for 1 hour, it better bloody work!!

If it does I'm going to learn this hypnotherapy stuff, it sounds profitable!

Monday, 25 June 2007

Breaking windnews.

The British have found a cure for GLOBAL WARMING!!!!!!!!





WIMBLEDON.

Sunday, 24 June 2007

I forgot

In the paper today, a little joke:

An Irishman has invented a waterproof teabag!

Friday, 22 June 2007

This is something I have to share.

My youngest cousin sent this earlier, and boy did it tug at the heart strings. I was supposed to send it on as an e-mail, but I thought the impact would be as good on here. Feel free to forward it on.
This poem was written by a terminally ill young teenage girl in a New York hospital. It was sent by her doctor. Make sure you read the closing statement after the poem.

SLOW DANCE.

Have you ever watched kids
On a merry-go round?

Or listen to the rain
Slapping the ground?

Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the fading light?

You better slow down.
Don't dance too fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

Do you run through each day
On the fly?

When you ask,"How are you?"
Do you hear the reply?

When the day is done
Do you lie in your bed

With the next hundred chores
Running through your head?

You'd better slow down
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

Ever told your child,
We'll do it tomorrow?

And in your haste,
Not see his sorrow?

Ever lost touch, let a good friendship die
Because you never had time
To call and say, "Hi?"

You'd better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

When you run so fast to get somewhere
You miss half the fun of getting there.

When you worry and hurry through your day.
It's like an unopened gift.........
Thrown away.

Life is not a race, do take it slower
Hear the music, before the song is over.

This young girl has 6 months to live, and as her dying wish, she wanted to send a letter telling everyone to live their lives to the fullest, since she never will.

American Cancer Society will donate 3 cents per name to her treatment plan.

So, to those people I sent the e-mail to, send it on. If you didn't get the e- mail, let me know, and I'll send it.

Thursday, 21 June 2007

Bernard Manning

I read that Bernard Manning has died. He upset a lot of people with his humour, but I liked him. The ruder/crasser the funnier. I don't dwell on political correctness. If it makes you laugh, then laugh. If it doesn't, then ignore it, and let other people have fun. Here are a few of his jokes supplied by Daily Telegraph readers:

I see they've found Donald Campbells body- it came out of a tap in Huddersfield!

At the Embassy club in the 1980s: "We've got some boys from the Falklands in the audience tonight, give them a big round of applause!" When the clapping had died down, "they're Argentinian!"

There's a blind guy waiting at the traffic lights, when his guide dog pees on his leg. The man reaches into his pocket and gives the dog a biscuit. A man standing nearby says: "That's wonderful- the dog peed on you, but you still gave him a biscuit."
"Yeah, well I was just trying to find out where his mouth is so I can kick him in the bollocks!"