Global Taxing !

I was reading an article earlier this week about some nutcase who is trying to sail/canoe to the Canadian high arctic, why ?

Anyway, the trip had to be called off, as the ice was too thick!

So, global taxing warming is having a staggering effect! And the forecast for this weekend is for SNOW !

What shall we do? Well,I for one shall keep recycling, as I have always done, as landfill is a diminishing return. As for 'saving the planet'by using low-energy lightbulbs?!!

Tell China, India, Russia, and the USA, to do the same. I think not!

That is all. Nature will win.

Joke Tuesday, double bill !

DEFINITION OF BRAVERY

Coming home drunk, covered in lipstick, smelling of perfume then slapping the wife on the arse and saying,"You're next, fatty!"

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"Doctor, would you please kiss me." Says the patient.

"No, you are a very beautiful woman, but it's against my code of ethics" replies the doctor.

"Please, just one kiss", she pleads.

"Sorry", says the doctor,"It's totally out of the question. In all honesty, I shouldn't even be making love to you!"

Heather beds.

This heather bed was planted 34 years ago, the plants originating from North Wales, half spring, half winter flowering.

This heather bed was planted about the same time, but is soley spring/summer plants.

More as the season unfolds. We are promised milder weather this week, so things should start bursting out with a vengeance!

Pub news !

This lunchtime has been mad.

It all started with Trigger getting whacked by Di, for, well, being Trigger!

Trigger,"Di, you're all in blue,are you playing for Leicester City today?"

Di, "Are you a natural twat, or do you practice?"

Me," He doesn't practise Di, it's all natural."

Trigger, "You can f*ck off Ironside"

I put the boxing highlights from last night on, as I know the lads enjoy it.

Trigger, "What's this?"

The Poacher,"Rugby!"

Trigger, "You twat I meant what fight is it!

The Poacher, "It's a boxing fight."

Trigger, to Jez, "Is this place full of complete arseholes, or is it just me?"

Jez,"It's just you, Trigger!"

Trigger, "Bollocks."

Next, I put the qualifying for the Moto G.P. (bike racing for those not in the know) on.

Trigger, "Who's winning?"

Me, "It's qualifying, the race is tomorrow."

Trigger, "Yes, but who's winning?

Me, "Trigger, NOBODY is winning, the race is tomorrow!"

By this time, I had given up all hope, and Trigger went on his merry way. No doubt battle will be resumed tomorrow lunch.

The race starts at 1.00pm. I hope Trigger's gone by then!

I couldn't resist this !

This is the best advert Viagara could ever have!

HELL!

I think I might try this Viagara.

Can any of you ladies do handstands?

Favorite word !

My Father was watching the France-v-England football match last night. I was playing golf on the computer, so only glancing at the telly in between shots/holes.

I swiftly came to the conclusion that Fathers favourite word in the world of football, is ;

PATHETIC!

I must have heard this at least 40 times!

What is your favourite word?

Ladies, for you all !!

LADIES...DON'T SWALLOW CHEWING GUM!!

Joke Tuesday-double bill !

MANS' BEST FRIEND!

A dog is truly mans' best friend. If you don't believe it, just try this experiment.

Put your dog and your wife in the trunk/boot of your car for an hour, and when you let them out, see which one is really pleased to see you!!

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A bloke goes to the doctors having problems with premature ejaculation. He is told that when he feels the ejaculation coming on, to give himself a fright by firing a starter pistol in the air. This will prolong sex.

Two days later the doctor sees him again.

"How did it go?" asks the doctor. "Not good," he said.

We were in a 69, when I felt the urge, so I fired the gun. My wife shit in my face, bit the end off my cock, and the milkman came out of the wardrobe with his hands up!"

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Arcachon, S.W. France, 1986 !

We had a nostalgia lunchtime today. Sometimes it's good to reminisce! Keith came over, which was a bit of a surprise,as I thought his daughter was coming for Sunday lunch. Keith is a welcome addition to the Gang , who have made him part of our 'set' on a Sunday.

This is ' LE TERMINUS ',a superb bar/cafe in the centre of Arcachon. This was our base.

From breakfast time,(6 oysters and a pint of lager) at 11 a.m, we set out to the nudist beach. We didn't know it was a nudist beach, but if you pronounced it phonetically, it sounded like bollicky buff!

More tales may follow, if you wish!

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This is brilliant! Watch the driver of the Merc very carefully.