Tuesday, 2 September 2008

Joke Tuesday, double bill!

SEX EDUCATION.

The newly born sperm was receiving instructions in conception from the instructor.

'As soon as you hear the siren, swim for the tunnel and go in a straight line until you get to the entrance of a dark, damp cavern. At the end of the cavern you will find a red, sticky ball which is the egg.

Address it and say, 'I'm a sperm. She will answer, I'm the egg. From that moment on you will work together to create the embryo. Do you understand?'

The sperm nodded affirmatively and the instructor said, 'Good luck!'

Two days later, the sperm is taking a nap when he hears the siren. He wakes up immediately and heads for the tunnel.

A multitude of sperm swim behind him. He knows he has to arrive first. When he nears the entrance to the cavern,he looks back and sees he is far ahead of the other sperm.

He is able to swim at a leisurely pace but still approaches the sticky, red ball first.

When, at last, he reaches the red, sticky ball, he smiles and says, 'Hi, I'm a sperm.'

The red sticky ball smiles back and says,




















'Hi, I'm a tonsil.'


************************************************************

Happy and Sad.

A husband and wife were sitting watching TV when he turned to his wife and said....

"Honey, tell me something that will make me Happy and Sad all at the same time.

She said....















"You have the BIGGEST DICK of all your friends!"

28 comments:

ChrisB said...

LOL you are impossible but I'm laughing :)

john.g. said...

Chris, if you don't laugh...!

Dumdad said...

Chortlé, chortlé.

That's how the French sound when they laugh . . . yeah, and cochons may fly!

john.g. said...

dumdad, very good!

PI said...

John where do you get these ... these ...whatsits from?

john.g. said...

Mum2, top secret!!

Guyana-Gyal said...

Heh-heyyyyyyy! That's how Caribbean wimmen sound when we laff!

How ya doin', john. g.?

john.g. said...

GG, yeah, you're back! I'm good, girl, how's you?

petra michelle; Whose role is it anyway? said...

*laughing* That was worth the week's wait, John!

john.g. said...

Petra, it's a pleasure to make someone smile!

sablonneuse said...

Oooh you are naughty - but I like it!

Mr Farty said...

Those are filthy!

More please!

Minx said...

Fabulous!

little wanderer said...

thank you John for a great laugh after a very long day, much appreciated x

Sylv said...

a double bill? Wow! and good ones at that they are too:)you haven't even forgotten to add the punchline :P :P :P

Other than that, if you know how to get rid of the pop up, please tell me,coz i don't know,i may even reward you with a pic :):)

Grumpy Keith said...

Pat - John gets all these "whatsits" from the local farmers, gamekeepers, poachers, anglers, horsey-type people, dubious characters, and other country folk who frequent the "Merrie Monk".

I thnk I come under the catergory of "dubious"!

Grumpy Keith said...

... and whats more, this komputer can't spell! (see last comment)

Lehners in France said...

Both very funny, thanks for the laugh. Debs x

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

LOL, LOL....You are a bad boy, John....(Not really...I just liked typing that....) These are funny.
I once wrote a one act play called "The Start Of The Blues" about my own conception. The two characters in the play were...The Egg and The Soerm!
This is the first time I've ever seen a joke about conception...!

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

"SPERM"...sorry about that...!
I seem to be making more and more typo's....Age is catching up with me. Oh Dear.

john.g. said...

Naomi, glad you laughed!

Beccy said...

I want to paste the little emoticon laughing his arse off but I cant!

Mr Farty said...

Beccy - Try ☺

Fishman said...

Nasty joke the second one!

john.g. said...

Fishman, welcome!

Brom said...

Tonsil???? whats that all about???

john.g. said...

Brom, DOH!

wendishness said...

LMFAO ouch!