Tuesday, 21 July 2009

Joke Tuesday, Double bill!

Turner Brown.

A skinny little white guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE black guy
standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down, and says: '7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch private, 3 pound testicles, Turner Brown.' The white man faints and falls to the floor. The big guy kneels down and brings him too, shaking him. The big guy says: 'What's wrong with you?' In a weak voice the little guy says, 'What EXACTLY did you say to me?" The big dude says: 'I saw your look and figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks. I'm 7 feet tall. I weigh 350 pounds. I have a 20 inch
private, my testicles weigh 3 pounds each, and my name is Turner Brown.' The small guy says: 'Turner Brown. Sweet Jesus, I thought you said, 'Turn around.'

While in China , a man is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom all the time he is there.

A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots.

Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor.

The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days for the results.

The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says, 'I've got bad news for you, you've contracted Mongolian VD. It's very rare and almost unheard of here, we know very little about it.'

The man looks a little perplexed and says, 'Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, Doc.'

The doctor answers, 'I'm sorry, there's no known cure. We're going to have to amputate your penis.'

The man screams in horror, 'Absolutely not! I want a second opinion.'

The doctor replies, 'Well, it's your choice. Go ahead, if you want but surgery is your only choice.'

The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he'll know more about the disease. The Chinese doctor examines his penis and proclaims,
'Ah, yes, Mongolian VD. Vewy ware disease.'

The guy says to the doctor, 'Yeah, yeah, I already know that but what can we do? My American doctor wants to operate and amputate my penis!'

The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs. 'Stupid American docttah, always want to opawate. Make more money dat way. No need to amputate!'

Oh, Thank God!' the man replies.

'Yes,' says the Chinese doctor, 'wait two weeks. Faw off by itself!'

Happy Tuesday!


Kila said...

LOL... Gotta check on flights to China for DH... ;)

john.g. said...

Kila! LMAO!

Mr Farty said...

You do find the best ones, thanks for the laffs John!

thepinkdog said...

LOL! I've heard the first one before and it's still funny. The second one is just as good! Keep the jokes coming!

Keli said...

I hadn't heard the first one before, and it actually did make me chuckle out loud...the second one is a solid classic :)

Keith said...

Hmmm ... slightly better than last weeks jokes. Keep trying.

ChrisB said...

The second one is new to me LOL :)

© Karelian Blonde said...

Yikes and yikes!

sablonneuse said...

They're both new to me and I laughed out loud. Now I've got to explain them to Bear. Just hope his sense of humour is working today.

#Debi said...

Very funny, both of them!

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

LOL, LOL....You won't believe this, but it is true. I first heart that 2nd joke when I was probaly 12 or 13 years old....! My siblings and I were always saying..."In two weeks, fall off by self"...and we would laugh and laugh and laugh.
Which proves that Old Jokes are never too Old! LOL!

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

"HEARD"....How I got a "T" in there, I'll never know...lol!

john.g. said...

Naomi, LOL, I've never heard that second joke before!

PI said...

The first one reminded me of a great big elephant looking down at a tiny mouse and the elephant said
'Look at me how big and strong I am and look at you.'
and the little mouse said:
'Well I've not been very well.'

It's the way I tell 'em:)