Garden news.

My 'sister' came over this morning for a chat. As she was about to leave I asked her to take some photos with my new camera. Here are the results.

The Berberus behind the pond.

Dad, doing what he loves the most!

This is Dad's relaxation/sleeping seat if we get a summer!

Dad, at home in the garden!

Our house from the front garden.

The front garden taken from the house over the rose-beds.

Tubs planted out to add some colour.

And no Keith, you can't eat it, but it looks nice!!

Click on the pics to see the best view.

Pub news!

There is something wrong with the majority of the locals in the Merrie Monk. Sunday lunchtime is when Di our beloved landlady brings out the free grub food on the bar. The chilli sauce supplied by GG was bought out again. The locals seem to like the chipolata sausages that always appear. They dip them in the sauce. This sauce is frighteningly hot and we caught a few more unsuspecting victims today. Not much left in the jar now! Still, it gives us a laugh!

Pub news.

This is a picture of a priest made by the Poachers Dad. For the non-fishermen/women out there it is used to crack trout or salmon on the head so as to administer 'the last rights', hence the name.

Di asked what it was for, and immediately threatened me with it if any trouble followed (as if!). She thought it was very nice, until Roger told her that this was the manual model and that the battery ones were a bit dearer!

Di's face colour matched her lipstick!

Joke Tuesday.

There was a 10 year old boy walking down the sidewalk dragging a flattened frog on a string. He walked up to a house of ill repute and knocked on the door. When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted. He said," I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the money and i'm not leaving until I do."

The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in. Once in, she told him to pick any of the girls he liked. He asked,"Do any of the girls have any diseases?" Of course, the Madam said no, but the boy replied, "I heard all the men talking about having to get shots after making it with Amber, so THAT'S the girl I want!"

Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay, the Madam told him to go to the first room on the right. He headed down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind him. Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and headed out the door. The Madam stopped him and asked, "Why did you pick the only girl in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?"

He said,"Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents are going out to a restaurant, leaving me at home with my babysitter. After they leave, my babysitter will have sex with me because she is fond of young boys. She will get the disease I just caught. When Mum and Dad get back, Dad will take the babysitter home. On the way, he'll jump her and catch the disease. Then when Dad gets home from the babysitters, he and Mum will go to bed and have sex, and Mum will catch it. In the morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will come to deliver the milk,have a quickie with Mum and catch the disease..........and HE'S the bastard who ran over my FROG!

Pub news, GG's victims!!!!

Oh, did we I have a laugh today!! This pepper sauce that GG
sent me is dynamite!

Comments are as follows. Small cocktail sausages were used in this scientific experiment.

The barman,"That's nice..........Bastard!
Charlie(not the dog) "That is warm, nice but warm.....no,make that HOT!
The Bush,"It's fucking hot, but after the first few tries the taste buds are shot!"
The Barman's girlfriend ,"Oh,my!"
Di,"Fucking hell! Oh,I didn't say that,(cough,splutter),I took too much in."

"You always say that,Di!", I said, quietly, to no avail."Shut your(cough) face(cough), or I'll (cough) wheel you down the (cough) road."

Good stuff, this pepper sauce. And btw GG, the jar is almost half empty!

Anniversary!

12 MONTHS TODAY, CIGARETTE FREE!!

I am chuffed, to say the least. Hypnotism does work for some people.

I think I'll have a fag to celebrate!!

Pub news.

My friend The Poacher came in today just 4 weeks after receiving a new hip! How good is that? It's amazing how quickly they throw you out of hospital these days. He was home after 4 days!

Other news. Food is now being served!

Meet the MERRIE MONK MEGA FRY-UP This isn't the exact version, but you get the idea. Also on the menu are various filled rolls and assorted salads for those of a healthy disposition. I know what i'd go for! Chikken tikka massala and Shepherds pie (home-made by Di) finish off the menu.

I wish them luck with the food.

Some things will never change. Trigger came in.

"Hello georgeous".

"Hello, Twat", said Di.

Joke Tuesday. GOLF!

A Catholic Priest, an Indian Doctor, a rich Chinese businessman and an Aussie were waiting on the 1st tee one morning for a particularly slow group in front of them.

The Aussie fumed, "What's with those wankers? We've been waiting for ages!"

The Indian doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but i've never seen such poor golf!"

The Chinese businessman called out, "Move it, time is money!"

The Catholic Priest said,"What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"

George, the greenkeeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind ex-firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime they want."

The group fell silent for a moment. The Catholic Priest said, "That's so sad. I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

The Indian doctor said,"Good idea. I'm going to contact my phthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them tonight."

The Chinese businessman replied, "I think I'll donate $50,000 to the firefighters in honour of these brave souls."

The Aussie said," Bugger that........... why not make the bastards play at night?"

Pub news Guyana style!!

After 3 weeks of anxious waiting my friend's pepper sauce has arrived! Made in Guyana, it leaves no guessing as to who I mean. Thanks GG.

The sauce is now in the pubs fridge, awaiting its weekend victims!

My Dad tried a tiny drop and it made his eyes water! "Bloody Hell, that is ridiculous!"He spluttered. In the pub I nailed a few suckers. One thought it was nice but dangerous, another swore at me, another said, "f*cking hell,that's evil!" Jez, the landlord dipped a bag of crisps in it and seemed to enjoy it! Strange. More victims on Sunday!

Pub news.

As you know I don't usually blog on a weekend, as most of you are out on the lash, but this, I felt, couldn't wait!

Di put some lovely spicy chicken wings on the bar today, and Paul being a gannet dived straight in. After consuming said wings he realised that there wern't any ashtrays to put the bones in. Charlie(Nikkis other half, not Di's dog!This is confusing.), gave him a plastic bag to put the bones in, and came out with the classic line........"That's not the first time you've put a bone into an old bag"!

In other pub related news, Nikki and Charlie came in with Monty, who after a busy morning fell asleep on the table! Keith
came in dressed like John Wayne minus the six-shooters. A bit different from the sartorial elegance of last week! This place is a madhouse! The Poacher is well on the mend after his recent hip operation, Trigger is still a tw*t, and all is well in the publogosphere! Take care, and keep smiling, I do!