Sunday, 25 January 2009

John gets a well deserved bashing (again!)

There were not many people at "our" table today, just John G, Nikki, Nigel and myself, although the pub was crowded as usual.

I think it's the excellent free food that our most beautiful sexy landlady, Di, lays on that attracts the customers on Sunday lunchtimes.

I always have a few dog biscuits in my pocket in case Nikki brings her mutt "Monty" in, or there are any other dogs in the pub. I like to make friends with them just in case they go into attack mode. That way I know that being their friend I'm safe.

Di (looking as radiant as ever) came out from the kitchen with some food to put on the counter and "Sam", a black labrador was sitting nearby so she gave him a bit of fuss and I slid a dog biscuit across the table for her to give to him. As she picked it up a voice from behind said "No Di, that's for you". She whipped round, and glaring at me said, "Who said that?", and as quick as a flash I pointed to John and said "I cannot tell a lie, it was him in the wheelchair!".

She went up to him and give him a smack round the head. Twice. No, I tell a lie; it was three times. As he reeled back recovering from the blows, our lovely barmaid "Charley", who was standing behind him, also gave him a good smacking!

Ah well, it's all part of lifes rich pageant, innit? Never a dull moment at the "Merrie Monk".

The things you see when you haven't got a camera handy is unbelievable.

+ + + + + + + + + + + +

P.S.> It really was John who made the remark, so I don't feel guilty! *snigger*


Dumdad said...

Poor john.g! I think someone should inform Amnesty International.

© Karelian Blonde said...

Keith, you are a proper gossip columnist! *sniggering too*

itsmee said...

hahahahaha I'd love to say poor John but it sounds like he deserved it! (ducks John's slap)

Wendy aka gcgal

PI said...

I might have to come and have a word with Di and Charley.

Brom said...

Forget John.... the important part of your post was "Crowded Pub", that's good to hear.

Keith said...

Brom - I do try to forget John. I really do, but it's hard sometimes!

Hey everybody, it's John's birthday on Wednesday. Please send all cheques and pressies to me and I'll look after them for him. . .

john.g. said...

Keith, you b*stard!

john.g. said...

Keith, you are an accomplished creep as well!!

Keith said...

The address for expensive birthday cards is:

John Greenwood,
c/o "The Merrie Monk"
38 Station Road
Dunton Bassett
Nr Lutterworth
LE17 5LQ

Zed said...

Keith, are you trying to pull the Landlady? mmmmmmmmmm.

And as for getting a card from here to John's local on time is fucking unlikely - such a late bit of publicity.


ChrisB said...

Poor john -social services will have you on the wheel chair users protection register if you keep having non accidental injuries!!

john.g. said...

You could send me a virtual one Zed?!

Keith said...

Zed - I wish you wouldn't fucking swear so much, you'll fucking well corrupt young John!

Keith said...

Zed - "trying to pull the landlady"? Heaven forbid! You should see Jez, her partner, he's built like a brick shithouse and I don't fancy upsetting him!

It's just that I like Di a lot, she's a little ray of sunshine in my otherwise dull little world.

*creep, creep, fawn, fawn*