Friday, 2 January 2009

Pub news.

Trigger

"TRIGGER RETURNS!!"



Regular readers of this gibberish will be familiar with Trigger. To any new nutters readers who have joined in Trigger was once the pivotal character in my blog. He knows this and is pleased that he is a world famous superstar of the blogosphere. However, Di, our ever-so-lovely landlady seems to have pinched his mantle. This has led to Trigger asking me if his fan base is still strong. I assured him it might be. He smiled, happy with my response.

Today, Trigger came out with a couple of quality 'Triggerisms'.

He was talking to Jez, the landlord and it went like this;

Trigger: "I drive a 10 mile round trip to drink here."

Jez: "10 miles?"

Trigger: "Well almost, it's 4.8 miles here and the same back."

Jez: "Really?"

Trigger: "Yes."


The second "Triggerism" occured when was telling me about his recent shopping trip to the Co-op. He picked up some cheap toilet paper and whilst looking at the price he noticed it stated that the toilet paper was re-cycled.

"I put it back," he said.

"Why?" I enquired.

"It's been on someone elses arse!" he said."I'm not using that!"



Now, if you think I make this up, you're wrong. I'm not gifted enough to come up with this material!

And Trigger isn't joking. He told someone else the same thing an hour later!

I didn't bother explaining!

21 comments:

Dumdad said...

You and Trigger ought to go into the comedy script-writing business.

john.g. said...

Dumdad, I don't think he can write!

Bethany said...

All he has to do is talk. You write it down.

Happy New Year!

ChrisB said...

If you could see the tears where I'm laughing so much about the recyled bog paper!

john.g. said...

Pleased to have made you laugh Chris!

Mr Farty said...

Damned sure I wouldn't use recycled toilet paper! That is just gross!

:P

Keith said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Keith said...

So what's wrong with re-cycled bum paper? I use it all the time, and in order to save the environment I always use both sides!

I have always called Trigger by his first name, John, but the other day he said to me:

"Now that you are a regular to this pub, you can call me 'Trigger' now"

I thought "Wow! I'm accepted at last".

Then he said "By the way, what can I call you from now on?"

To which I replied "Sir!".

Keith said...

Another thing John G, stop hitting me with your bloody crutch. It hurts!

And my foot is still painful from when you backed your bloody wheelchair over it last week!

© Karelian Blonde said...

Good to hear that he is back :) Keep 'em coming!

#Debi said...

I get why the 2nd one is funny (and it is funny, oh yes), but what's wrong with the 1st one? 4.8 miles each way does makes a nearly 10 mile round trip...oh, wait, I think I get it...the same back...yes, it's very early here...I feel some blond roots growing out...

*shuffles back to bed*

john.g. said...

#Debi, please!!!!!

PI said...

That second one is a jewel because it sounds logical. To me anyway!

john.g. said...

MUM2....!!

BarbaraS said...

Logical? Trigger???

Happy New Year John.g!

john.g. said...

Thank-you Barbs!

Karmyn R said...

We have not heard from Trigger in a while. I see nothing has changed! ha ha.

Happy New Year!

Mickle in NZ said...

Keith seems to have become a super grump! Reminds me of my favourite Muppet - Oscar the Grouch.

John, matey, sincere thanks for the Trigger update. He nis still the exact same - lol heaps,

Care and huggles, dear John.g, xxx

Keith said...

Mickle - I'm not really a grumpy git. It's all an act just to cheer John up!

I'm a lovely cuddly sort of a chap really, who is fond of Kiwis. What are you doing on Saturday night?

Beccy said...

Priceless!

Jayne said...

Trigger is a Star, no doubt about it! I don't know how Jez can keep a straight face when talking to him sometimes!