Tuesday, 6 January 2009

Joke Tuesday. Double bill !

ANNOUNCEMENT!



Apple announced today that it has developed a breast implant that can store and play music. The iTit will cost from £499 to £699, depending on cup and speaker size.

This is considered a major breakthrough, because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them!






QUICK MARRIAGE.



A man met a beautiful blonde lady and decided she was 'THE ONE' and proposed to her. She said,"But we don't know anything about each other."

He said, "That's okay, we'll learn about each other as we go along."

She consented, they were married, and off they went on a honeymoon at a very nice resort.

One morning they were lying by the pool, when he got up off the lounger, climbed up to the 10 metre board and did a two and a half tuck, followed by three rotations in the pike position, at which point he straightened out and cut the water like a knife. After a couple more dives he settled back on the lounger. She said, "That was incredible!"

He said, "I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we'd learn about each other."

So she got up, dived in the pool and started doing lengths. After 75 lengths she climbed out and lay on her lounger, barely out of breath.

He said,"Wow, that was brilliant! Were you an endurance swimmer?"



















"No," She said, "I was a prostitute in Liverpool but I worked both sides of the Mersey river!"

26 comments:

Claude said...

LOL!

Sally said...

Brilliant!!

Happy New Year John!!

john.g. said...

Hello, Claude! See you on plurk.

Hi, Sally, same to you!

ChrisB said...

Those were so funny.

Keli said...

ROFLMAO! both very funny!

Elaine said...

LOL! Thanks for the giggle!

john.g. said...

Hi, Elaine, and welcome!

Mr Farty said...

iTit. Bloody brilliant.

john.g. said...

How d, Mr. F!

Dumdad said...

Double excellent!

petra michelle; Whose role is it anyway? said...

Almost fell off my chair! They werre hilarious, John!
May your year be filled with as much laugher as you inspire! :))

john.g. said...

Happy New Year, Petra!

DARWEN REPORTER said...

I was trying to work out the punch line as I went along but failed. Brilliant!

phoenix said...

HaHa still tellin old jokes I see lol happy new year John x

Bethany said...

Hahahaha!!!

NAVAL LANGA said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Keith said...

The comment above is SPAM! I have seen it on a lot of blogs. Unless you set up moderation of some sort now you will get loads now they have "found" you!

As to those old jokes, poo!

john.g. said...

Phoenix! You're back ! Where've you been woman?

john.g. said...

Darwen reporter, welcome!

phoenix said...

Drunk mostly LOL x

john.g. said...

It's good to read your words again! xx

Jon M said...

Happy New Year John! Where can I get an iTIt?

Brom said...

Two crackers to start off the New Year, cheers for those! :-)

Beccy said...

Brilliant...as always!

PI said...

John you are incorrigible - but I like it!

Jayne said...

I hadn't heard of either of those jokes John.......you're getting better y'know! LoL very funny :-D