Goth's challenge.

I have to make a story from the song titles of an album. ( It's a return favour).

"Right", said God, "I'm fed up with this sh*t dress rehearsal rag, it sucks. Adam, stop touching Eve up , and pay attention."

Adam, " I wasn't doing anything wrong, just fitting her for your famous blue raincoat."

God, "Oh, for f*cks sake, that piece of crap is soooo much last years, man!"

Adam, "But it's the one I made with those diamonds in the mine."

God was a bit pissed off with all this stalling, so he made Eve pregnant, and being God rushed the pregnancy through. Cain and Abel were soon born into this world that only took six days to make , don't forget.

"Eve, pick those f*cking apples up, or there'll be an avalanche of them soon.

"Piss off dad, there's a f*cking snake in the tree!"

God said,"Don't you talk to me like that, you tart!

Adam, "you see Eve, love calls you by your name."

God, "I suppose there'll be another dress rehearsal rag now?"

Eve, "No, Joan of Arc's cancelled, her agent said she has another burning issue."

Adam and Eve in unison, "Sing another song , boys."

"STOP PRESS"!

THIS IS SERIOUS !!

Beer contains female hormones.

Last month, The University of Lesotho said scientists revealed that beer contains female hormones.

Men should take a good look at their beer consumption. The theory is that hops contain Phytoestrogens and that by drinking too much beer, men turn into women.

To test the theory, 100 men drank 8 pints each. Within 1 hour it was then observed that 100% of the test subjects developed the following symptoms:

1. Argued over nothing
2. Refused to apologize when obviously wrong
3. Talked excessively without making sense
4. Became overly emotional
5. Couldn't drive
6. Failed to think rationally
7. Gained weight
8.Had to sit down when urinating

No further testing was deemed necessary.

Songs, the first line # 2

At the request of a good bloggy friend............ Artist and track please.

1. A long time ago came a man on a track........
2. You saw me standing by the wall, corner of a main street........
3. How many special people change, how many lives are living strange.......
4. While the sun hangs in the sky and the desert has sand.........
5. I got to have a shot of what you got is oh so sweet......
6. I been laid off from work, my rent is due, my kids all need brand new shoes..........
7. Mother doesn't know where love has gone.......
8. I sit and wait.......
9. It's been seven hours and fifteen days......
10. Wont you come see about me........

Larry, the TRUTH !! (picture exclusive)

It's out ! Larry bats for the other side! Two stallions caught snogging! You wont find THIS in the Sun !!

Joke Tuesday, double bill!

A nurse digs into her bag for a pen to write a cheque, but pulls out a rectal thermometer.

"Great", she sighs,

















"Some arseholes got my pen!"


A family are driving behind a dust cart when a dildo flies out and hits their windscreen. Embarassed, and to protect her young sons innocence, the woman says it was an insect,to which one of her sons says,
"I'm surprised it can fly with a cock that big!"

Parking space.

Nikki sent me this today. Her and Charlie (LTB/F) had a leakage from an upstairs radiator a while back and have only just got the insurance sorted out, the kitchen chosen and the builders sorted. Charlie was doing some prep work before the builders start tomorrow when Nikki took this. Are they coming on pushbikes?

Songs, opening lines.

I think this has been done before, but here goes.

I give you the opening line, you tell me the artist and the track, ( I like rock music, 70's/80's).

1. There's a lady who knows........
2. I awoke this morning, love laid me down by the river........
3. Down from the glen came the marching men.......
4. The dogs of war........
5. Ground control to Major Tom........
6. She keeps a Moet et Chandon........
7. Just a castaway.......
8. Look up on the wall, then down on the floor......
9. These mist covered mountains..............
10. If I leave here tomorrow, would you still remember me?..........

Good luck !

I had a dream.

A couple of days ago I got tagged by Spanish Goth, he's mad, as you might well know! Anyway, I have to describe a dream. I do dream occaisionally, but never really recall much. Until last night!

I don't know what sparked this one off.

I was on my motorbike, a Honda CB900 F2. I have no idea where I was, nor why I was where I didn't know where I was. (Where was I)? Oh, yes, hurtling along down meandering country lanes, covered in smoooooth black tarmac (the road, not me), when a wheelchair suddenly appeared in front of me. I slammed the brakes on and took evasive action, just missing the chair. I stopped and looked back at the tw*t in the wheelchair in the middle of the road. He was grinning. It was me!

I have never had a dream before with the wheelchair in it.

I guess I was pushing my luck 20 years ago!

Joke Tuesday.

Sorry, but I will * the swear words out.

Husband and wife on 10th wedding anniversary. The wife undresses and says, "What did you think 10 years ago?"

He says," I wanted to f*ck your brains out and suck your tits dry!"
She asks, "What are you thinking now?"














"Looks like I did a pretty good job!"

Ponderisms

1. I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
2. Garden rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out easily, it is a valuable plant.
3. The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
4. Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
5. Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing a UFO anymore?
6. In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, people take Prozac to make it normal.
7. How is it that one match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
8. Who was it who first looked at a cow and said,"I'll just squeeze those dangly bits and drink whatever comes out?"
9. Who was the first person to say,"See that chicken there? I'm going to eat the next thing that comes out of it's butt."
10. Why does your gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed?
11. Do illiterate people get the full benefit of Alphabet soup?
12. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?