Tuesday, 29 July 2008

Joke Tuesday.

DO YOU FART IN BED?

Do not read this whilst eating!

This could create arguements across the world.

This is a story about a couple who had been married for years.

The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and gasp for air.

Every morning she would plead with him to stop farting as it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it, and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor, as one day he would blow his guts out.

The years went by and the farting continued. Then, one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the innards and neck, gizzard,liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came ito her mind.

She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and gently pulling back the covers, she then pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into them.

Sometime later she heard him wake up with the usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood-curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran to the bathroom.

The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears rolling down her face! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good.

About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what the problem was. He said,"Honey, you were right. All these years you have warned me and I haven't listened to you."

What do you mean?" Asked the wife.

"Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened."




















But, by the grace of God, some vaseline and two fingers, I think I got them back in!!

Happy teatime!

24 comments:

sablonneuse said...

You were right to warn us not to be eating!!! Yuck!!!!!

john.g. said...

Sandy, at least I warned you!!!!

v. mildew said...

I was just having an aperitif and some nibbles then, and now I've gone right off my dry roasted nuts!

john.g. said...

Victor, you,ve always had dry roasted nuts from what i've heard. And where were you today?

Dumdad said...

So that's what my wife's been doing to me all these years. I shan't bother to put them back in the next time.

john.g. said...

Dumdad, give them to the dog if you have one!

Sylv said...

Thanks for th ewarning, I would have spat my tea over the keyboard:) As of now, this joke is doing the rounds in Switzerland too.

john.g. said...

A pleasure Sylv!

Mr Farty said...

Paaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrppppppp!

mutleythedog said...

That poor man stuck chicken innards in his butt!? Sounds horrible, I might give it a go...

ChrisB said...

I read this one recently but I still went yuck!

ChrisB said...

forgot to say I was chuckling at the same time:)

SpanishGoth said...

HA HA

Iron Trumpet

2 Minutes To Blood Shite

*falls off chair but does not spill "WODKA - WOCK!!!!!!!"*

#Debi said...

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!








Ooh, sorry, it's echoing a bit in here...

Mickle in NZ said...

Very loud chuckles from the "on first names terms with my colo-rectal surgeon" Mickle, xxx

Guyana-Gyal said...

Nothing seems to turn me off food. I'm well-trained by two brothers who said the grossest things at the dining table.

That man is sure going to need to do a BIG ONE to get rid of that.

© Karelian Blonde said...

Excellent!

BarbaraS said...

Oh, gross! But v. funny too. It's the malicious wife coming out in me ;)

The Old Fart said...

Man: "Doctor, I have this problem. Every morning at exactly 7am I have poo"

Doctor: "Nothing to worry about, that's perfect normal"

Man: "But doctor, I don't get out of bed until 9am!"

Boom, boom! The oldies are the best!

PI said...

The space undid me and I thought it was all very obvious. But you got me at the end you rascal!

PI said...

Your double act with Keith reminds me of Arthur Askey's old joke when he ordered an ice cream sundae.
'Crushed nuts?' he was asked
'No it's the way I walk',
Taxi!

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

EEEEEWWWWWWWWW! Pretty disgusting....Here's my question: Who makes up a joke like this? What kind of a mind creates these pictures for him/her self? LOL!

little wanderer said...

:)

( . )( . ) said...

Mmmm tasty.... I know what im having for dinner tonight