Sunday, 26 August 2007

Sunday Fun-Time

Guest Blog by Keith


I went to the pub today for a quiet Sunday drink with John, but it turned out to be anything but quiet. Apparently I had just missed Trigger, he went home early to day.

Propping up the bar was the Poacher, the Poacher's Dad, and the Poachers Dad's Brother, and various other dubious regulars. As usual the bar was groaning under the weight of various tit-bits and nibbles so I bought a pint, grabbed a handful of sausage rolls and joined John.

Last Wednesday the Poacher had bagged a load of wild pigeons and his father had cleaned and prepared them for human consumption by "smoking" them, and was selling them in the pub. John very kindly bought me one and explained how to carve and eat it. Apparently there is an art in it. There were a few left and the Poachers Dad was sitting at the bar cutting them up and distributing them around the pub. He offered a bit to the sweet young thing serving behind the bar. She wrinkled her nose up at it and said "No way!", but Poachers Dad persuaded her to put it in her mouth (the pigeon that is!). She went the colour of chalk and promptly spat it out into the waste bin.

I can't understand the youngsters of today, they will eat a fast-food burger that has probably got the complete cow, i.e., lips, nose, eyeballs and testicles in it, but they are revolted by a nice juicy fat pigeon prepared country-style!

The Poacher's Uncle had brought Jess; a vicious little terrier, in today. Now this bitch has an attitude problem insomuch that it hates everything that is human-shaped, except her master of course. She is a little bastard to put it mildly. She bares her teeth and her little beady eyes are ablaze with anger if you even so much as look at her.

Now Nikki, another character in the pub, who is blonde and attractive with a nice figure and wears tight sweat shirts, tight jodphurs and kinky boots (yes, she really does have a horse!) said that she could calm Jess down and stroke her. She has this "if I can break a horse in", she can "break a dog in" type of attitude. She approached Jess and even I could see that this fiend was waiting until she got within snapping distance before attacking. As you can see in the picture that is precisely what happened. Luckily only Nikkis pride was hurt and not her fingers because the "dog-crocodile" was on a short lead.


Sorry about the quality of the photo, John tried to get an action picture, but the dog was too quick. Either that or John's hand was shaking due to sheer terror or he had had too much lager.

15 comments:

john.g. said...

Brilliant Keith, thanks mate. I couldn't have described it as well as that! And at least I can't be accused of making up what a complete madhouse this pub is !!

Victor Mildew said...

Well, I only tell it like it is...

Send the cheque to the usual address....

PI said...

What a little swine! Glad you all escaped whole. Happy Bank holiday each!

Beccy said...

The mad house exists!

john.g. said...

Beccy, you better believe it!

Mum2, you as well. x

RUTH said...

Hi Keith. Must admit I've eaten pigeon pie and enjoyed it and when we used to go to the pub one of Hubby's mates always brought in a few freshly shot rabbits...so tasty! (when cooked that is...LOL)
Another Nice Matters award for John at my place :o)

ChrisB said...

That sounds like an entertaining time!!

Minx said...

When the world seems to have been taken over by Wetherspoons and the latest faddy drinking hole, your blog reminds me of the value in the 'local'. Make mine a pint.....

irreverentmama said...

Never had pigeon. Was once offered squirrel stew, but didn't have that, either. (But I didn't have the stew because there wasn't time, not mere squeamishness!)

I often wonder about lobster. I mean, really: who was the first person who saw a lobster scuttling along the bottom and said "YUM! Let me have a bite of THAT, then!!" (Someone awfully hungry, I'll bet...)

sablonneuse said...

Oh, so that's where you are Keith.
Good description of the dog incident. It's strange how the little ones can be so fierce isn't it? My sister has a yorkie that used to snap at the kids heels whenever they moved. She still disintegrates the letters if she gets to the door first after the postman's been.

john.g. said...

IM, squirrel is good, it's been on the bar in here before!

Minx, anytime!!

Chris, honestly this place is mad!

Sandy, can't keep the old soak away!

zoe said...

dear john,

many thanks for your invitation to go to your local for a pint with your dear self and that grumpy git, keith, but i seriously think that due to the rather peculiar people who frequent the establishment it would be against my best interest, health and sanity to accept.

i aim to live a few more years and will therefore refrain from accepting your invitation as i do value keeping my mind and body in tact until i meet the towering inferno.

yours,

zoe

john.g. said...

Zoe, you coward! What sort of excuse is that? This place is you all over!

Shaz said...

That looks like one nasty ankle bitter to me! As for pigeon . . .yuck!

john.g. said...

Shaz, you never know 'till you try it!