Tuesday, 8 May 2007

Funny # 2

Children writing about the sea!

1: This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly, aged 6).

  • 2: Oysters' balls are called pearls. (James aged 6).
  1. 3: If you are surrounded by the sea you are an island. If you aren't you are incontinent. (Wayne aged 7).
  • 4:Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She's not my friend any more. (Kylie aged 6).

5:A dolphin breathes through an arsehole on top of its head. (Billy aged 8).

  • 6:My uncle goes out in his boat with pots, and comes back with crabs. (Millie aged 6).

7: When ships had sails, they used to use the wind to cross the oceans. Sometimes it was calm, and the sailors would whistle for the wind to come. My brother said they would have been better off eating beans. (William aged 8).

  • 8: I like mermaids. They are beautiful, and I like their shiny tails. How do they get pregnant? (Helen aged 7).

9: I'm not going to write about the sea. My baby brother is always screaming and being sick, my Dad keeps shouting at Mum, and my big sister just got pregnant, so I can't think what to write. (Amy aged 8).

  • 10: Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can shock you. They live in caves where they plug themselves into chargers. (Christopher aged 7).

11: When you go swimming in the sea, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small. (Kevin aged 6).

12: Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Two divers can't go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky aged 8).
  • 13: On holiday my Mum went water skiing. She fell off when going very fast. She says she wont do it again because the water shot up her fanny. (Julie aged 8).

26 comments:

zoe said...

oh shit john, i'll now have to clean the screen - that last one was good!

john.g. said...

I thought you'd like that Zoe.

Beccy said...

I agree with Zoe, that last one made me LOL!

john.g. said...

Beccy, it did for me too!

mussolini said...

I don't get the last one!

john.g. said...

You should, you're a tw*t aren't you?

Ariel said...

I like the first one and the last one - mind in the gutter, evidently.

phoenix said...

I'm sure if my neighbours have heard me laughin they'll be turning the sound up on their tele! I may've peed me pants!!
brilliant :-P

Kermit said...

I use all these other names so that people think you've got a lot of readers.

Jim Blenkinsop

Drama Queen said...

Very good. I like my sister is pregnant one. . .

*chuckles*

Drama Queen said...

Oh and thanks for the linkage. I will return the favour, with pleasure. . .

PI said...

I've always wondered about mermaids.

Minx said...

So brilliant - peed me pants laughing - yurk!

Sally Lomax said...

That made me laugh out loud! Excellent!

john.g. said...

Kermit, go and find miss Piggy!

Ariel, must be!

Phoenix and Minx, I do NOT want the cleaners bill!

DQ, my pleasure.

Pat, LOL.

Sally, kids , eh!

ChrisB said...

These are so funny I'm LOveryL . Brilliant.

john.g. said...

Thanks Chris no doubt Beccy and Sam were the same. lol.

Mr Farty said...

I thought mermaids laid their eggs on the seafloor, then the mermen swam along behind and fertilized them. Nah, can't be, where's the fun in that?

john.g. said...

Farty, what ARE you like?

Wendz said...

Brilliant John - made me LOL!! Thanks. :)

john.g. said...

Kids, I bet you get similar!

Sally Lomax said...

Hi John

What's happened to Keith's blog? Do you know?

john.g. said...

Sally, I've just looked, and I have no idea. Shall investigate.

irreverentmama said...

Clever Helen. How DO they?

Poor Amy. She can come live with us. We don't shout, my son is quiet, and my eldest isn't pregnant. (Helps that her boyfriend is currently in Durban...)

Cailleach said...

Loved the last one -kids are great for what they say sometimes, and what they really thnk...

john.g. said...

I.M,sounds like the ideal family, can I come over?

Cailleach, you just don't know what's next.