Funny # 2

Children writing about the sea!

1: This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly, aged 6).

• 2: Oysters' balls are called pearls. (James aged 6).

1. 3: If you are surrounded by the sea you are an island. If you aren't you are incontinent. (Wayne aged 7).

• 4:Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She's not my friend any more. (Kylie aged 6).

5:A dolphin breathes through an arsehole on top of its head. (Billy aged 8).

• 6:My uncle goes out in his boat with pots, and comes back with crabs. (Millie aged 6).

7: When ships had sails, they used to use the wind to cross the oceans. Sometimes it was calm, and the sailors would whistle for the wind to come. My brother said they would have been better off eating beans. (William aged 8).

• 8: I like mermaids. They are beautiful, and I like their shiny tails. How do they get pregnant? (Helen aged 7).

9: I'm not going to write about the sea. My baby brother is always screaming and being sick, my Dad keeps shouting at Mum, and my big sister just got pregnant, so I can't think what to write. (Amy aged 8).

• 10: Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can shock you. They live in caves where they plug themselves into chargers. (Christopher aged 7).

11: When you go swimming in the sea, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small. (Kevin aged 6).

12: Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Two divers can't go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky aged 8).

• 13: On holiday my Mum went water skiing. She fell off when going very fast. She says she wont do it again because the water shot up her fanny. (Julie aged 8).